GleenderSwapped
by Raibean
Summary: AU The Glee series rewritten so that everyone is genderswapped. How different would the storylines be? Rated M for sexual situations and possible future smut. On hiatus.
1. 1x01 Pilot

**A/N: This is Glee, but all the kids are gender-swapped. What would our perceptions about these people be if their genders were switched? How would their situations be different? I haven't changed the adults (and I'm not including their storylines for the most part) because honestly, I don't find them interesting at all. Almost all of the dialog is exactly the same, but some of it (and some other details) have been changed for continuity. Some storylines have been altered either to fit gender stereotypes or impossibilities (Kurt's bullying, Quinn's pregnancy). Some storylines have been "added" to provide background and foreshadowing for other storylines. Thoughts are included, and a lot of this is based on my interpretations of the characters.**

**If you find **_**any**_** errors (continuity that I missed or made, grammar, spelling, vocabulary, awkward wording), please tell me – and thanks in advance. If my interpretation or alteration of a storyline or character doesn't make sense, please give me your opinion on that. I am more than happy to hear how other people in the fandom sees things, whether it's eye-to-eye with mine or entirely different.**

Gleender-Swapped

**Pilot**

Kate Hummel and Norah Puckerman watch as their Spanish teacher, Mr. Schuester, walks from his banged-up piece of shit he calls a car straight past the dumpster they're making negotiations at. Kate's hugging her new black fur jacket like it's about to be ripped off of her any second, and Norah is holding her guitar case in one hand. She and Electric Zoo have a gig later; she's stressed about it because she hasn't gotten enough practice. That's what the cigarettes are for. At least she was able to talk Fiona into coming with her to intimidate the fashionista.

"Making new friends, Katie?" Mr. Schuester asks as he passes by.

"She sure is, Mr. Schue," Norah assures him, tossing the teacher a smile. She turns her mohawked head back to Kate.

"Fiona, you're still missing that essay on _qué hiciste en el verano pasado_."

Fiona, the tall, lanky soccer player looks blank. "What?"

"What you did last summer." He gives Fiona a pointed look, and the brunette kneads her knuckles into her forehead.

_Wasn't that due yesterday? Ugh, my mom's gonna ride me on this..._ "Almost halfway done with almost all of it, Mr. Schue!" She smiles at him nervously as he marches away. She turns back to Norah.

Norah's looking at Kate expectantly. Her mohawk stands straight up, cutting through the breeze. "You brought my cigarettes?"

"I couldn't remember which kind you wanted," Kate answers anxiously, "so I got you these. They're classy." She pulls two packs of Menthols from her purse. Norah scowls.

"You bitch, I smoke Camels!" She takes the packs from the short soprano and shoves them into one of the pockets in her backpack. "Remember next time!"

"Nor, she was probably stressed enough from doing something illegal," Fiona reasons. It's bad enough that Norah smokes, but Fiona really doesn't want to be dragged into extorting students to support her best friend's illegal habits.

"Pussy," Norah mutters.

BREAK

A senior – _Henry? No, Hank, I think_. Richard Berry can't remember his name – is practicing with Mr. Ryerson. Richard is watching because he's envious. That solo belongs to him, and Mr. Ryerson knows it! _His piano skills are substandard,_ Rich tells himself as the balding educator starts playing. The teacher and student sing together, and Mr. Ryerson pulls the pink sweater off his shoulders. _Their harmony sucks. _The senior looks nervous as they go on, and Mr. Ryerson glances up at him, then reaches back to pat the senior's abdomen in a gesture of assurance... or so it seemed until he turned his hand around to slide his hand slyly down the senior's torso.

_Oh my god, Mr. Ryerson's a pervert!_ Richard's eyes widen, and for a second, he doesn't know what to do. He closes his eyes, pushes aside his emotions to save for later, and rushes straight to Principal Figgins's office. Unlike other guys, Richard has never been shy with his tears, and as a hopeful Broadway star, it was imperative that Richard master the art of crying. That sure came in handy when he was talking to Figgins since Richard had to make sure he understood the gravity of the situation.

"... It was so _wrong_!" Richard sniffs, but he doesn't shy away from Figgins's gaze. A few law sobs don't seem out of place, and Figgins hands Richard the tissue box on his desk. His dads were going to be so proud of him.

BREAK

Mercer Jones is a boy with music in his soul. He marches into the auditorium, confident. This isn't really an audition, right?_ I mean, there were five people in Glee before, and I doubt that a new coach and a new name is going to help the show choir_. It's mostly so Mr. Schue can measure the strengths and weaknesses of the group – so Mercer decides he better show his stuff.

Mercer was surprised when he found out his Spanish teacher, Mr. Schue, was going to lead the Glee club after Mr. Ryerson left, but Katie told him that Schuester was in McKinley's glee club the last (and only time) they took Nationals. Mercer hopes Mr. Schue's still got it.

"My name is Mercer Jones, and I'm singing _I Got a Woman_ by Ray Charles."

Unlike Mercer, Kate isn't impressed by Mr. Schue. She's glad someone decided to step into Mr. Ryerson's shoes because she couldn't stand the man, but if he coaches anything like Mercer says he teaches, Kate feels like she shouldn't expect much. The man was all teddy bears and gummi worms, and while that might be fine – or fine enough – in the classroom, Kate doesn't expect it to work with the competition.

_At least I have my stunning talent and my competitive need to prove Richard that I can keep up with him_, Kate thinks to herself_._ The biggest problem Kate has with Richard is that their voices are too similar, and Richard thinks that takes too much attention away from him. Most of the time, he refuses to duet with her. _Asshole._

"My name is Katie Hummel, and I'll be singing _Roxie_." It's unorthodox, but Kate sings out the words _Roxie Hart_ for a good ten seconds longer than usual. She lets the note slowly scale up, lets the breath fill her body, and she imagines it filling the auditorium. When she opens her eyes, there's no audience, just a stunned Mr. Schue. _Take that, compadre._

Tony Cohen-Chang and Artemisia Abrams sign up together. The two met each other in Jazz Club and then were recruited by Norah Puckerman for her band. Lazy bum that Norah is, Tony and Missy often end up writing the songs for Norah. At least Norah can intimidate a few people into getting them gigs. There's one later today, and Tony only prays that Norah's been practicing the lyrics.

Tony plays the drums; Artemisia does the bass. They've been in Glee for a while, and Tony didn't really want to do it at first. He'd much rather be left alone. Missy convinced him because, well, she didn't want to do it alone. Tony can't say no to that, and it isn't because Missy's in a wheelchair. Tony's been crushing on Missy for weeks now, and he has no idea how to deal with other guys let alone a girl he likes. So instead of just quitting Glee when Ryerson is fired, Tony just signs up for auditions again when Missy asks.

"Tony C," he says once he's up onstage. He stops himself from tugging at one of his blue streaks, jammed under his black beanie. "S-singing _I Kissed a Girl._" Missy giggles when he says that, and Tony smiles. Singing a girl's song is worth it just to make her laugh. Not that he really minded in the first place. Every time he says the word "kissed," he makes sure to add a hip-thrust. He does it so much that it practically kills the joke, but the energy from performing gets to him.

Richard sings _Bring Him Home_ from the seminal Broadway classic Les Miserables. Richard has a mezzo-soprano range, or he would if he were a girl. Countertenor songs are hard to find outside of Opera, and Richard adores Broadway. He also has no skill with languages, despite his fervent attempts to master Hebrew outside of prayer.

When he walks into the auditorium, he's wearing different clothes than he was that morning. Norah Puckerman slushied Richard right after he put his name (and a gold star) on the sign-up sheet. His white sweater-vest was ruined. That kept Rich going for an hour, but it was an hour spent meticulously belting out his audition song. He would master it; he knew he could master any song, and the nay-sayers couldn't change that. They only slushied him because they weren't intelligent enough to appreciate his talent or ambition. That's why they started the rumor that Rich got Ryerson fired over his lost solo.

There's no love lost between Ryerson and Richard. Richard was spoiled in the arts by his fathers the minute Rich expressed his desire to dance and sing. That was when he was three. They even bought Rich a laptop and recording set so that he could upload YouTube videos to broaden his audience and maybe get picked up by a record company like Justin Bieber. There were many more talented singers on YouTube, and none are as deserving as Richard, so why not him? Of course, Bieber had ten thousand subscribers or so on popular covers he made, while Rich only has five jocks shoving him into lockers and commenting "you suck" on a daily basis. At least it's good practice for crowds. Not everyone is going to like you, and Rich knows that better than anyone.

Unfortunately, it seems like Rich and Kate were right about Mr. Schue. The first solo he hands out didn't go to either of them. Not that _Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat_ isn't that great of a song. It's from _Guys and Dolls_, though, and that's a very typical high school production. He's starting them off easy, but they don't _need_ easy. Rich tells himself that Missy got the solo because she obviously needed the most help, and that would allow Mr. Schue to strengthen their team. Kate tells herself that there will be other solos because it's not like there are a lot of people to take them from her. _Actually, Richard tries so much that he's worth five people taking solos from me,_ she muses.

Tony has to hoist Kate up during choreography, but she refuses to settle into his arms and wiggles out, nearly stomping on his foot as she lands her own graceful toes on the floor. Tony casts a glare Kate's way before returning his focus to the performance. At the end, he runs behind Richard, Mercer, and Kate to line up... completely missing the point when he's supposed to catch Artemisia. Artemisia can't put her hands down in time to stop her chair from crashing into a cabinet, and Mr. Schue grimaces before Missy backs up.

"We suck," Richard announces. He wipes at his cheek with a gloved hand.

"Uh... It'll get there," Mr. Schue intones. "We just need to keep rehearsing." He looks hopeful.

Mercer is not hopeful. He's tired of Richard's perfectionism, and honestly, every word out of Richard's mouth just sounds like _You're not good enough._ Kate's rolling her eyes behind him, but instead of paying attention, she reaches up to check that her hair's still in place. Too bad Richard's in one of his screeching moods.

"Mr. Schuester, do you know how ridiculous it is to give the solo in _Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat_ to a girl in a wheelchair?" Richard crosses his arms.

"Actually," Missy pipes up, "I think Mr. Schue was using irony to enhance the performance."

_She shouldn't have said anything,_ Tony thinks.

"There's **nothing** ironic about show choir," Richard insists, a frown dead on his face. He looks to Kate and Mercer for support, but Mercer just arches an eyebrow, silently daring Richard to leave – which he does. Mr. Schue calls after him, but Richard doesn't pay attention.

Richard heads out to the football field where the Cheerios are practicing. It would be creepy, but Rich isn't interested in any of them, at least not like _that_. He finds the cheerleader-school girl fantasy cliché and tedious. He watches them because dammit, they have what he wants. Not even the guys are messed with, and more than that: their talents were recognized and _wanted._ Rich stares at the girls, wondering if any of them has a spark of song they didn't know about. Coach Sylvester is yelling when Mr. Schuester finds Richard on the bleachers.

"I'm tired of being laughed at." Richard's sulking, and they both know it.

Schuester takes a breath. "You're the best kid in there, Rich; it comes with a price."

Richard turns around sharply. "Look, I know I'm just a sophomore, but I can feel the clock ticking away, and I don't wanna leave high school with nothing to show for it."

"You get great grades," Mr. Schue insists; "you're a fantastic singer."

"Everybody hates me." It sounds so typical. It's not quite true, but Richard knows there's resentment because he likes to take charge in nearly every group he's placed in.

To his credit, Mr. Schue doesn't miss a beat. "You think Glee is gonna change that?"

"Being _great_ at something's going to change it," Richard informs him. "Being a part of something special makes you special, right?" Mr. Schue doesn't answer him, so he moves on. "I need a female lead who can keep up with me vocally."

"Maybe I can coach Missy a little..." Rich rolls his eyes.

"Look, Mr. Schue, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but if you can't give me what I need, then I'm sorry. I'm not going to make a fool out of myself." He turns back to the Cheerios. "I can't keep _wasting_ my time with Glee. It hurts too much."

"Maybe I'll get some Cheerios to join." Mr. Schue has to leave before he can suggest anything else because the principal wants him, as the football coach so gently screams. He pats Rich on the shoulder before heading off. It's probably better now that he's gone because Rich can focus on what he's going to do with his time once he doesn't have to be at Glee. Maybe he prays a little that Mr. Schue does find a female vocalist, but he wouldn't admit it to anyone for the world.

BREAK

JV Girls' Soccer is a fall sport, so Fiona and Norah are messing around in the locker rooms after getting off the field. Davina's dancing against a locker, pretending to be a stripper, and her best friend Azalia is laughing and throwing money from her purse. Norah's just about to join in with a raunchy dance when Coach walked in... with Mr. Schue. Time to cut the stripper act.

"Mr. Schuester's going to talk to you guys. If you don't pay attention, I'll make you go out there and do more laps. If you're disrespectful, you get more laps," Coach informs them. She looks to Mr. Schue. "Go ahead."

"Thanks." Schue smiles at them. "I know some of you ladies from Spanish class, but today I'm here to talk to you about something different: music. Glee club needs performers. I'll put up the sign-up sheet at the door of the locker room, so if anyone wants to sign up, please put your name on it. Thank you." He turns to get to the cork board by the door.

_Glee club is for singers, right?_ Norah wonders. She knows her bandmates, Missy and Tony, are in it, but they haven't talked much about it. Norah's the lead singer, and it's mostly because she plays guitar, but if she's honest, Missy doesn't feel comfortable singing lead in a wheelchair for a punk band, and Tony only agreed to play drums because it's in the back where no one will pay attention to him. Norah knows she can energize a room if given enough time, but that's not to get out of Lima. Maybe she should look into the club. Her thoughts turned to the practice she and Electric Zoo are doing later – Missy wrote another song, and they were going to see if they can figure out the right rhythm for it.

She leaves Fiona in the showers. Fiona already has extra laps to do because she showed up late to practice (kissing her quarterback boyfriend, Quentin). Once everyone's gone, Fiona starts singing. She has a song stuck in her head, "Can't Fight this Feeling" by REO Speedwagon. Rocking out is pretty fun, but Fiona's not in Norah's band because she isn't used to crowds. Not to mention she doesn't have the fear factor to keep from getting shit for hanging out with Missy and Tony. They're not her type of friends anyways; they're a bit to quiet. Probably perfect support for a band.

Not a day later and Fiona's in Mr. Schue's office for marijuana possession. Her eyes widen as Mr. Schue slides a small manilla envelope labeled _Chronic Lady: For Medical Use Only_ across the desk.

"You wanna tell me how long you've had a drug problem?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"I-I don't even know who the Chronic Lady is."

Mr. Schue stops her. "Look, if it were up to me, we wouldn't have mandatory bi-weekly afternoon locker checks."

Fiona doesn't question it because right now, she's freaking out. "I've never even seen that before, Mr. Schue; it's not mine! I'll pee in a cup!" Mr. Schue looks astounded. "I'll pee."

"It wouldn't make any difference!" he stammers out. "Possession is eight-tenths of the law; I'm pretty sure that much pot is a felony." Fiona tugs at her hair. "Yeah. You'll get kicked outta school; you'll lose your soccer scholarship -"

"I had a scholarship? To where?" Fi's confused. She's a sophomore; no one's even looking at her for scholarships yet.

"You could land in prison, Fiona."

"Please, don't tell my mom!" Fiona begs. Mr. Schue sighs, and Fiona sees the light. He's going to give her a way out of this, _please please please._

"I see a lot of myself in you, Fiona. I know what it's like to struggle to make good life choices, and I don't wanna see you throw away everything you have to offer the world. I just expected more out of you, Fi."

That really gets to Fiona. Her mom has been trying so hard Fiona's whole existence to make sure Fiona gets the best she can. It's not easy being a single parent, especially a mom, and Fiona doesn't want to be stuck in Lima with no prospects just because someone found pot in her locker. She doesn't want to see her mother's disappointed face when Carole Hudson finds out that her baby girl can't go as far as she told Fi. She doesn't want to let her down, especially not for something she didn't do.

"We have two options here," Mr. Schue explained to her. "I'm running detention now, so you can do six weeks after school, _but_ that's gonna remain on your permanent record.

"What's the other option, Mr. Schue?" Fiona asks.

BREAK

Kate and Rich both stare at Fi as she sings the second verse of _You're the One that I Want_. Kate's just surprised that Fi can sing. Rich wasn't expecting anything, but Fiona's voice mixes nicely with Rich's. He doesn't seem very enthusiastic, so Rich puts his all into the performance, half-dragging Fi all across the stage as they sing the chorus together. Fiona's surprised at Rich's strength (he's shorter than her) and maybe a little terrified at the attention she's getting.

_He'd better get used to it,_ Rich thinks. _He's a performer now, and he has to make it realistic._ They're dancing around when Mercer breaks them apart.

"Oh, hell naw," he yells, walking forward towards Mr. Schue. "Look, I'm not down with this background singing nonsense. I'm Nathan Morris; I ain't no Shawn Stockman."

"Look, Mercer, it's just one song," Mr. Schue assures her.

"And it's the first time we've been kind of good." It's not a great compliment, Katie knows, but she wants to make Fiona feel welcome. She also doesn't want to compliment Richard that well.

Mercer takes a breath and turns to Fiona, who would tower over him if they were closer. "Okay. You good, whitey; I'll give you that, but you better bring it." He smiles sarcastically. "Let's run it again."

BREAK

Fiona doesn't show up at Electric Zoo's weekend gig. She also keeps coming late to practice and doesn't show up at all on Thursday. She doesn't text Norah back as much as she was just a few days ago. It's obvious something's up, but Fi won't talk about it. Coach starts riding on Fi for the practices, and Norah listens in. The word "singer" is mentioned more than once.

"What was that about?" Norah asks when Fi comes out of Coach's office.

"Oh, nothing, Nor. I have to miss practice on Saturday, you know? I gotta help Mom clean and cook and crap."

"Since when do you care about that shit?" Norah picks up her shinguards on the way to their lockers.

"She just had surgery," the taller girl tells Norah. _That's a good excuse, right?_ Fi wonders.

"Oh. What kind of surgery?"

_Fuck._ "She, uh, just had her second liver removed." _Score! Perfectly good reason._

"Tough break, girly," Norah says.

"Yeah, uh, it stopped working."

Fi has to miss practice on Saturday because Mr. Schue is taking the Glee Club on a field trip to see Vocal Adrenaline, who have won Nationals three years running. He didn't say that, of course, but Richard informs everyone of that fact the minute they meet at Carmel High. Asshole. Fi feels intimidated, but Richard sort of makes up for it once they get inside. He's been really welcoming since that first rehearsal, and he even offers to pay for her soda before the show.

"I think you're really talented, you know," he says. "I would know, I'm very talented to." _Oh, God, Rich, that sounds horrible._

_Does this guy like me?_ Fi wonders. She thought he might after that Grease number, but then she realized that's just how Richard acts about everything.

"I think the rest of the team expects us to become an item. You, the sweet naïve new girl, and me, the skilled mentor that shows you the world you've delved into."

_This is about to get ten times awkward._ "Well I, uh, have a boyfriend." _I could slice the awkwardness with a knife. Or Richard's nose._

"Really?" _Oh, no, I sound too disappointed. Fuck! How obvious can I be?_ "Who?"

"Quentin Fabray."

"Quarterback Quentin Fabray? Leader of the Athletes for Christ club?"

Quentin's religious and has a habit of suggesting prayer every time Fi palms his crotch. Sometimes she wonders if Quentin thinks she's a slut because she's going after him like that, but in reality, Fi's just sexually frustrated. Quentin won't even try to touch her boobs, and what kind of straight guy doesn't like boobs?

"Yeah, we've been dating almost four months now. He's cool."

_I bet he cheats on you,_ Rich thinks. _Quentin's an imbecile that tells me to kill myself whenever I post a new video on YouTube. He doesn't even know who Bernadette Peters is._

"I wonder if they have Sour Patch Kids..." Fiona says, licking her lips.

In their seats, Mr. Schue has the audacity to mime quotation marks around the word _competition_ and tell the Glee kids that Vocal Adrenaline doesn't have the talent New Directions does. At least three people think "Of course not, they don't have me." Tony's the only one who wants to roll his eyes at the blatant ego-pushing Mr. Schue is doing.

"We're d-d-doomed," Tony says after the performance. Even Mr. Schue looks floored.

BREAK

Norah's jealous. She knows Fi's at Carmel on a field trip for Glee because that's where Tony and Missy are, too. So she does a little Googling and comes up with a plan.

"People don't have two livers, Fi. I looked it up." She has a paintball gun in hand. So does Michelle. Everyone else either has a water gun with food coloring in it or cans of silly string. There are ten girls in all, and all of them owe Norah somehow – or maybe they just agreed because they're scared; she's not sure.

"Wait, you've got the power here! You don't have to do this!"

They don't listen, and Fi's jean jacket is ruined within seconds. What sucks even more is that on Monday, Mr. Schuester gives up Glee Club.

"You're leaving us?" Artemisia asks.

"I've given my two weeks' notice, but I promise I'm gonna find you guys a _great_ replacement before I go." His hands are in his pockets.

_Jerk,_ Missy thinks. He was just growing on her.

"Is this 'cause those Carmel kids were so good?" Mercer asks. He's wearing a dark jersey, and he has cornrows in. "Because we can work harder!"

"This isn't fair, Mr. Schuester," Richard insists. "We can't do this without you."

"So does that mean that I don't have to be in the club anymore?" Fiona interrupts. The other kids throw her a look of disgust.

"This isn't about you guys," Mr. Schue assures them. "Being an adult is about having to make difficult choices. It's not like high school. Sometimes you have to give up the things that you love. One day you guys are gonna grow up and understand that." Artemisia looks down at her wheelchair. "I have loved being your teacher."

BREAK

Fiona closes her locker, and Richard is standing behind it, arms crossed over a cardigan.

"I didn't see you at Glee Club today." He sounds accusing.

"Is that still happening?" Fi asks slowly.

"I've taken over," Richard assures her. Fiona smiles and nods. His enthusiasm is actually charming. "I'm interim director, but I expect the position will become permanent."

"Hi, Fi, Diane Torr," a chipper voice says. It's Quentin. His football buddies, Santiago Lopez and Brett Pierce are on either side of him. Fi jerks her chin up in greeting. "What are you doing talking to him?" Quentin's a little possessive, so maybe he does think Fi's a slut. Fiona looks to Richard for an answer.

"Science project; we're partners," the shorter boy explains.

"Christ Crusaders, tonight at five. My house."

"Sounds great." The blonde takes his friends and walks off. Fi turns back to Richard. "Look, I should go. I can't do Glee anymore; it conflicts with -"

"Your reputation?" Richard supplies. "You've really got something, Fiona, and you're throwing it away."

"I'm gonna be late..."

"You can't keep worrying about what people think of it. You're better than all of them." He walks away.

It's just the right thing to say at the right time. Fi likes Glee, and she likes the people there. She doesn't like the way Norah and her soccer friends ambushed her on Saturday.

BREAK

"What do you want me to do, apologize?" Norah ridicules. "That isn't me, dude." She wipes at her mohawk. "Look, if I joined the flag team, you'd be all over me for that. I just don't understand why you did it."

"Schuester told me it would give me enough extra credit to pass Spanish! If I failed another class, no sports. It doesn't matter now because he's leaving, okay? I quit." Fi rolls her eyes and follows Norah out back.

"Don't be such a loser," Norah says, elbowing Fiona.

"Don't you get it? We're _all_ losers. Everyone in this school – heck, everyone in this _town_. Out of all the kids who graduate, maybe half will go onto college and two will leave the state to do it." She shakes her head. "I'm not afraid of being called a loser 'cause I can accept that that's who I am, but I am afraid of turning my back on something that actually made my proud for the first time in my sad life."

"So, what? You're quitting soccer to be a fag hag and date Mercer and Richard?"

"I can do both," Fiona states. "You can't win without me and neither can they."

Walking away from Norah and off the field, Fiona sees some kid jamming to _Don't Stop Believin'._ That's where she gets her first idea, so she rushes to the choir room. Richard is, of course, bossing the other around.

"These steps aren't hard, guys; I've been doing them since preschool."

"I'm sorry," Kate says sweetly, "did I miss the election for president? 'Cause I didn't vote for you, _Dick_."

"I know what I'm talking about! I won my first dance competition when I was three months old!" Mercer tosses him another one of his _looks._ Then they see Fiona.

"This is a closed rehearsal," Katie informs her.

"I owe you guys an apology," Fiona tells them. "I never should've quit. I don't want to be that bitch that drives around egging people."

"That was you?" Richard asks, wide-eyed.

"Your friends spread vicious rumors about me," Katie says. She's not buy Fi's apology.

"I know..."

"You guys snuck into my locker room and stole my clothes during PE so that I had to wear my gross, sweaty uniform all day. Do you know how disgusting that is? You stole my deodorant, too."

"I didn't actually do that one, but I'm really sorry. Listen, that isn't who I am, and I'm tired of it. _This _is what I wanna be doing – with you guys! I used to think that this was like the stupidest thing on Earth, and maybe it is, but we're all here for the same reason. We all wanna be good at something." They nod, and Fiona lets go of her nervousness. "Missy, you play guitar, right? Think you could recruit the Jazz band?"

"I do have some pull there," Missy answers, using a gloved hand to push up her glasses.

"Alright. Mercer, Katie – we need costumes, and they have got to look good."

"Don't you see how good we look?" Mercer says, and Katie adds a snap for emphasis.

"Richard, you can do choreography." Richard beams up at Fiona. "Tony, what are you good at?"

"I-"

"We'll figure something out!"

_Don't interrupt me, bitch, _Tony thinks.

"What are you bringing to the table, Britney Spears?" Mercer asks.

"I got the music."

Fi's actually excited for rehearsal the next day. They're going through Don't Stop Believin', when they hear applause. It's Mr. Schue.

"Good guys. It's a nine! We need a ten. Richard, you need to hit the ones and the fives. Fiona, I think if you worked on it, you could hit a high B."

"So does this mean you're staying?" Fi asks hopefully.

"It would kill me to see you win Nationals without me," he says. "From the top."


	2. 1x02 Showmance

**A/N: This is Glee, but all the kids are gender-swapped. What would our perceptions about these people be if their genders were switched? How would their situations be different? I haven't changed the adults (and I'm not including their storylines for the most part) because honestly, I don't find them interesting at all. Almost all of the dialog is exactly the same, but some of it (and some other details) have been changed for continuity. Some storylines have been altered either to fit gender stereotypes or impossibilities (Kurt's bullying, Quinn's pregnancy). Some storylines have been "added" to provide background and foreshadowing for other storylines. Thoughts are included, and a lot of this is based on my interpretations of the characters.**

**If you find **_**any**_** errors (continuity that I missed or made, grammar, spelling, vocabulary, awkward wording), please tell me – and thanks in advance. If my interpretation or alteration of a storyline or character doesn't make sense, please give me your opinion on that. I am more than happy to hear how other people in the fandom sees things, whether it's eye-to-eye with mine or entirely different.**

Gleender-Swapped

**Showmance**

He's been waiting there for ten minutes, but Richard finally spots his choir director in the parking lot.

"Mr. Schuester!" Richard shouts out, dragging his wheeled backpack along behind him. "I went to the library, and I got some sheet music, and I wanted to run some songs by you that I think should feature me heavily on lead vocal."

"Thanks, Rich, but I already got one picked out." He reaches into his bag, but Fiona catches up with Richard and grabs the handle of his backpack.

"Let me help you with that." The tall girl's wearing her soccer shirt.

"Thanks, Fi," Richard says, completely forgetting Mr. Schue. "You're so facilitative."

"Thanks!" A look of confusion crosses her face. "That's a good thing, right?"

Mercer caught up with Tony and Artemisia in the parking lot, and he was trying to, as he put it, "spread the swag." Mr. Schuester catches up with them as they walk to the school.

"Oh, hey, Mr. Schue. We're just learning some runs." Schue does one with them, and they all mimic Mercer's playful diva moves.

"Did I get the finger right?" Schue asks.

"Pretty fly for a white guy," Mercer says.

"Thank you. Hey," he adds as he walks off, "don't be late for rehearsal this afternoon!"

Of course he has to walk past the dumpster where Norah is making her "negotiations" with Kate. Nor has six other gals to back her up.

"Making friends, Katie?" Schuester asks.

"Buenos nachos, Mr. Schue," Norah says.

"Hope you guys do well on that soccer game!" the teacher responds cheerfully before stalking off.

"Do you have my cigarettes?" Norah demands once he's out of earshot.

Katie rolls her eyes and reaches into her bag.

"What about my magazine?" Madeleine asks.

Michelle jiggles her foot. "Come on, guys, let's just go..."

"Here," Katie says, slapping everyone's treasures into their hands.

"You remembered my brand," Norah says, winking at Katie.

Katie looks disgusted. "One day, you will all work for me."

BREAK

Quentin works as a teacher's assistant for the Cheerio coach Sue Sylvester. He's not the only one, not even the only one for first period. That's how Brett and Santiago and he got to mess around during first period. It's nice, having a time to sleep in if they want to. The Coach was usually in school far earlier than other teachers, so she usually texts the boys if she'll need them that day. Today's one of those days, and Quentin wears his Jersey with pride as he, Santiago, and Brett stalk through the hallways, searching for Mr. Schuester. When they find him, he's flirting with Emma Pillsbury, the guidance counselor.

"Get a room," Santiago sneers as he walks by.

"Coach Sylvester wants to see you in her office, Mr. Schue," Quentin says. "She doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Unfortunately, the rest of Quentin's morning doesn't go so well because before class Fiona drops the bomb that she's sticking with Glee club. Quentin doesn't even have his books yet.

"We are in line to be the most popular kids in this school in the next couple years," Quentin says. "Prom King and Queen, Homecoming Court – Fi, I'm not giving up those shiny crowns just so you can express yourself."

"You're making too big of a deal out of this," Fiona says. She doesn't notice Richard two lockers behind her, listening in. Quentin does.

"Okay," Quentin says with a smile. "Let's compromise. If you quit the club, we'll go to second base." _That's sure to get Richard's attention. I have this in the bag._

"Under the shirt?" Fi asks excitedly. _I've been waiting for this for so long..._ she thinks.

"Over the bra," Quentin answers.

_That's disappointing,_ Fiona thinks. Fi bites her lip and stares at her locker while she contemplates. "No, naw, I can't. I wanna do Glee. I'm really happy when I perform."

"People will think you're in a suicide cult with those losers. You know what that makes me? Just another loser." Quentin puts his palms out and glares down at his girlfriend.

"You know, I have to go to class." Fi hugs the blonde. "Just relax! Everything's going to work out." Richard rummages around in his locker to act like he hasn't been listening in.

"Eavesdrop much?" Quentin says loudly. He walks closer to the short boy. "Let me lay down the law, Schnoz-ster. You can dance and sing with her, but you will never have her."

"I understand why you'd be threatened," Richard tells the quarterback with confidence. "Fiona and I have made a connection, but I'm an honorable person. I don't need to take your woman; I've got plenty of options of my own. Every day, Glee's status is going up -" Richard starts to walk away "- and yours is going down. Deal with it." He turns around to find two blueberry slushies thrown in his face by Norah Puckerman and Madeleine Rutherford.

"Do you have a vendetta against cardigans?" he shrieks at the laughing miscreants.

BREAK

It turns out that the song Mr. Schue has prepared for them is "Freak Out." The only one who can manage any enthusiasm for the rehearsal is Richard. Fiona ends up lagging behind with the choreography, and the dance isn't exactly wheelchair-friendly, so Missy ends up behind the line because she can't maneuver around fast enough. Richard does an unnecessary high kick too close to Mercer's face.

"Aw, _hell_ to the naw," the larger boy breaks out. "First of all, you try to bust my face again, and I _will_ cut you." Mr. Schue closes his eyes in preparation for the tirade. Mercer turns to him. "Also, this song is terrible!"

"Okay, no, it's not the song. You guys just need to get into it." He casts his gaze over them all.

"No, it's the song," Kate says. "It's really gay." Richard shoots the slender girl a look of disgust, and Katie doesn't meet his gaze. She knows about Rich's gay fathers.

"We need more modern music, Mr. Schue," Missy explains. She adjusts her glasses.

"I'm sorry, guys, we don't have time to discuss this. We're doing the song this Friday at the pep assembly."

"I-in front of the whole school?" Tony bursts out. He looks horrified.

"Exactly." He looks pleased. _Jerk_, the kids collectively think.

"They're gonna throw fruit at us." Rage was plainly visible on Katie's face. "I _just_ had a facial."

"Well, I'll press charges if that happens," Richard says confidently.

"Guys," Mr. Schue interrupts, "I can't express to you how important this assembly is. We need recruits! There are six of you; we need twelve to qualify for Regionals!" Fi stares hard at the floor, jiggling her right leg. "We have no choice, or the club is over. I know you guys don't like this song, but we took Nationals back in ninety-three with Freak Out. It's a crowd-pleaser. Trust me." He claps his hands and turns back to Brad, the club's pianist. "From the top!"

"I'm dead," Fi says, shrugging. She and Katie walk out.

BREAK

"You need to call me before you get dressed in the morning," Katie dictates.

"Whatever." Mercer rolls his eyes.

"You look like a technicolor zebra." Their outfits have the same color scheme, but Mercer's also sporting zebra stripes.

"A hater, that's what you are. A hater. You're trying to copy me," Mercer insists. Fiona's tying her shoe, thinking about her impending social doom.

"It looks like I planned it," Katie says in an annoyed voice. Richard's sitting down, wearing a turtle neck and a sweater-vest. He's wondering how to fix Fiona's situation.

"You know what, if your hair were longer, you'd have curls." Katie sports a pixie cut.

"Alright, guys, how about a little Kanye," Mr. Schue suggests as he walks in the door.

Mercer gasps, but everyone's excited. "For the assembly?"

"No." Mr. Schuester hands them the sheet music. "We won't be ready in time. We're still doing disco, _but_ we can fold this into our repertoire, and it'll be awesome at Regionals. Communication is the foundation of any successful music group. If we're gonna succeed, we need to communicate. You guys said you wanted modern music? I listened."

"Look, Mr. Schue, we'd really like to not to disco at that assembly," Missy announces. The other students nod rapidly.

"Fiona," Mr. Schue says, ignoring Missy, "you're gonna take the solo."

"What? Uh, no, I can't do the solo Mr. Schue," Fiona tells him nervously. "I'm still learning how to walk and sing at the same time."

Mr. Schue sets his sheet music on the piano. "No problem." He starts taking his jacket off. "I'll walk you through it." Cat-calls.

"Challenge," Mercer says amidst the "ooh"s.

"Mercer, you know this?" Schuester inquires.

"Oh, I go this." He looks down at the sheet music and starts belting out Kanye's _Gold Digger._ Katie stares as Mercer works it, and Missy grins excitedly from her chair.

Fi smiles and watches Schue grooves to the beat, following his lead along with the other students. They're all laughing at the end of it because it's kind of fun to watch a teacher just bust out of the teacher mindset in the middle of the day.

BREAK

Richard makes sure no one's in the boys' bathroom when he goes to try and vomit up his lunch, but he must be really loud. After ten minutes of dry-heaving and opening his mouth wider than he thought possible, the guidance counselor Ms. Pillsbury walks in.

"Richard," she says quietly, "I heard you from outside. Did you just throw up?"

"No," he says quickly, not looking up.

"You missed the toilet."

"The guy who was here before me left that." Rich isn't sure if said boy is bulimic or drunk at school. Either way, the message isn't very heartening. "I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex."

"One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift."

"I'm not gay, Ms. Pillsbury, but thank you for the lovely mental image of my fathers."

She blushes. "Let's have a little chat, okay?" So Richard follows her to her office.

Every surface seemed to be covered in pamphlets, but Richard could appreciate the immaculate organization. The slim redhead picks up a green one title _So You Like Throwing Up: Understanding and Overcoming Bulimia._ Ms. Pillsbury waits for Richard to look it over, then clears her throat.

"Richard, bulimia is a very messy, serious disease." She reaches for her hand sanitizer.

"I don't have bulimia," Richard insists. "I tried it and failed and won't ever attempt it again."

Ms. Pillsbury nods. "Okay."

"Grossed me out."

"But I still wanna talk about the feelings that you had that led to you wanting to puke your guts out."

"I wanna be thinner... sexier like Quentin."

"Mhm – and why is that?"

"Have you ever liked someone so much that you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music, and cry?" He looks at her hopefully. Ms. Pillsbury's eyes shift to the hallway before she denies it. _Liar._

"But a crush on someone, I know about that... I mean not now, but it takes me back in the day, like a long time ago I knew about that. You know what? You need to remember, Richard, to protect your heart. I don't care who she is, if she doesn't like you for the way you are or if she's married with a baby on the way -" Richard turns his head to see what she's staring at. It's Mr. Schuester. "- you don't wanna compromise yourself for that." She clears her throat. "Have you just tried telling her how you feel?"

"She doesn't even notice me." It seems cliché, but Fiona didn't even notice him two lockers away the day before... or since.

"I see. Well, here's what I think: Common interests are the key to romance. So find out what she likes, so she'll see you in a positive way. Maybe you'll end up doing something that you never would've expected."

Richard gets and idea, and he walks off with a bright smile. That idea is the thing that lands Fiona and Richard in the principal's office with Sue Sylvester glaring at the pair of them.

"You know one of the amazing things about being in the performing arts is that you can parlay it into so many different fields, like Justin Timberlake." Richard cuts a figure out of a magazine. "He's a singer, but he also has a clothing line. He makes things like shirts and belts."

"Who's Justin Timberlake again?" Fiona asks.

That's when Sue Sylvester, whistling, walks into the office. She drops her protein shakes in shock when she sees the teens.

"Would you like to tell Principal Figgins and Mr. Schuester what I caught you two doing?" she intones.

Fiona breaks the silence first. "It just sorta... happened."

"I don't mean to be rude, but I think she's overreacting," Richard says.

"You watch your tone, young man!"

_You mean diction,_ Richard corrects. He doesn't say it out loud because a long time ago he learned the hard way to keep most of his "edits" in his head.

"Gay parents encourage rebellion," the coach continues, "there have been studies on this."

"Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa," Mr. Schue interrupts her. "Tell me what happened, Rich."

"Fiona was worried about having to perform a solo at the pep assembly in front of his culturally-challenged friends. I was immediately concerned by her lack of self-esteem and made a creative, preemptive strike." He uses a dazzling smile.

"Pretty much what he said." Fi's nervous. She can't get in trouble after Mr. Schue found pot in her locker.

"I figured that with the right marketing strategy, Glee could pool from the entire student body without having an assembly, thus creating the diverse club the school is craving," Richard explains.

"That copy machine is for Cheerios use only, paid for by alumni donations. I can't begin to fathom the damage you'd have done to the program had you broken it." Her arms are crossed.

"Hold on a second, Sue -"

She cuts Mr. Schue off. "I resent being told to hold onto anything, William. I will not be treated like a second-class citizen because of my gender. There's a very clear bureaucracy when it comes to photocopies, and you seem to think that these procedures don't apply to your students." She looks to Principal Figgins. "It is my strong recommendation that both these students be hobbled."

"How many copies did you guys make?" Mr. Schue asks.

"Seventeen," Coach Sylvester hisses.

"Okay, how much does a photocopy cost?"

"Four and a half cents," Principal Figgins tells him.

"How about they just pay for the copies?" Richard and Fiona perk up.

"I like this compromise," Principal Figgins decides. "Children, pay Ms. Sylvester, and we'll let you off with a warning. And Sue, I'm sorry, but I'm going to ask you to personally clean the congealed protein shake off the photocopy room floor."

"That's why we have janitors," she says, throwing her palms up.

"Sue, we're in a recession, and concessions must be made. I laid off half the janitorial staff! We all need to lend a hand." Mr. Schue nods. Fiona zones out; she's off the hook. Richard thinks Figgins could hire Emma Pillsbury to replace half the janitorial staff.

"Lady Justice wept today," Sue announces before demanding eighty-one cents from Rich and Fi.

"I'm sorry about that, Mr. Schue," Fiona says in the hall.

"I'd like to get our fliers up tomorrow afternoon," Richard tells him as they follow him.

"You know what, guys? I don't wanna hear it."

"Doing that song is going to kill any chance that Glee club has. It's a terrible idea!"

"I have news for you, Richard. Sometimes you have to do things that you don't wanna do. We're doing the assembly, and you're not putting up those fliers." He heads back to his classroom. "Everybody loves disco!"

"It's official; I'm gonna get killed," Fi says, sounding dazed.

Richard frowns and looks up at her. "I know you're nervous, but you're _really_, _really_ talented!" Fi smiles, and Richard has butterflies in his stomach. "Maybe it'll all be okay. Do you wanna practice for the assembly after school?"

"I can't; I got a celibacy club meeting." She walks away, and Richard gets another idea, one that doesn't have the threat of detention.

BREAK

"This meeting of the celibacy club is now in session," Quentin says, putting down his gavel. He's surrounded by other jocks: football players, soccer players, even a few male Cheerios. "Thanks to a school rule that says we have to let _anyone_ in the club, we're welcoming a new member this week. Richard Nobody."

Richard sits across from them at a different set of tables. Alone. This isn't exactly what he was expecting.

"Where are all the girls?" he asks.

"Down the hall. First half hour, we separate, then we come together to share our faith."

_Um. I'm Jewish._ Rich wonders how offended Quentin would be if he wears his yarmulke.

Down the hall, Fi's toying with her soccer ball and sitting on top of a table. She's still on the fence about the celibacy club. It's nice to know Quentin isn't with her just to get into her pants, but at the same time, she'd like to get into his pants at some point. She only joined to hook up with Quentin anyways, but it's a productive way to facilitate girl-talk.

"I think I'm gonna kill myself." Jackie Ben Israel's voice is like stone. "I'm serious. We're bombarded with sexual imagery every day, and we're expected to be these sexual objects and just not react to any of it. I'm supposed to find a guy but not sleep with him, yet I have to give enough to keep from being repressed."

"Are you kidding?" Norah asks, incredulous. "Looking sexy makes you confident, and guys? Sagging jeans? Crunchy toast. Santiago Lopez went commando the other day, and I swear I could see everything."

"I thought it was all about the teasing and not about the pleasing," Jackie says.

"How far have you gotten with Quentin?" Norah asks. _Not as far as me,_ she thinks.

"We grind... make out." She shifts uncomfortably.

"How do you get a guy to go further without, you know... acting like a slut?"

Fi holds back a giggle. "That's not a problem for me, dude." She gets a knowing look from Nor. Too bad that was a lie. Quentin never asks to get to the next base, not with words or actions. Fiona's starting to get paranoid that she isn't sexually appealing.

She puts it out of her mind as they head over to the boy's room for the rest of the meeting. Quentin's inflating balloons while Santiago and Brett play volleyball with one. Quentin clears his throat, and everyone's at attention.

"Let's pair up for the immaculate affection." He smiles. Everyone finds a partner, and Richard's stuck with Jackie. Quentin grabs Fi. "Now, remember: If the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry." He smiles down at Fiona beatifically.

"You enchant me," Jackie says to a creeped out Richard. The sharp sound of squeaking balloons fills the air.

Norah grinds on the balloon nesting between hers and Santiago's privates. Santiago's caught between laughter and annoyance – Quentin keeps looking over, and so does Brett. Norah shows off her prowess by making sure the balloon doesn't pop. Fi's and Quentin's, however, does.

"Fi!" Quentin hisses. "You're supposed to act like a lady!"

_Like you couldn't have popped it with a raging boner. Oh, wait, you don't get those._ Fiona rolls her eyes. Richard can't take it anymore.

"You know what? This is a joke!" he says. "Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn't work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there's no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to _be prepared._ That's what contraception is for!"

"Don't you dare mention the C-word!" Quentin shouts. Norah rolls her eyes.

"You wanna know what's ridiculous?" Rich says, crossing his arms. "Girls want sex just as much as guys do, and it's stupid that they can't express that without being labeled a _slut_." He stomps out.

BREAK

Richard jacked the Celibacy Club's gavel, and now she raps it against the sound block with a smile on his face. There's a black sweater tied around his shoulder.

"I now officially call this meeting of the Glee Club to order." They're in the gym, so it feels a little weird, but that's what the gavel is for, to create order.

"But Mr. Schuester isn't here," Missy says.

"Mr. Schuester isn't coming; I paid a freshmen to ask him for help with irregular verbs."

Mercer's head lolled back. "I'm so sick of hearing you squawk, Mandy Patinkin."

"Let her talk," Fi says. She smiles at Richard.

"I have another idea for the assembly."

"Can I once again voice my strenuous objections to this attempted suicide?" Missy puts in.

"They're not gonna kill us," Richard insists, "because we're gonna give them what they want."

"Blood?" Katie asks, a hand on her round chin.

"Better." Richard smiles. "Sex."

Fiona is nervous because she _is_ performing in front of the whole school, but on the other hand, she's excited. There's a lot of sexual moves in the choreography, and learning that was awkward, but Richard gave her advice.

"When you're up there, you're just a character," he told her. "It's not _you_ doing it, and you're not doing it to _them_, either. But the applause? That's for you."

Fiona also hopes that Quentin will be turned on. She knows that guys are probably going to pay a little more attention to her, and she's happy about it. She hasn't exactly felt appreciated lately. She doesn't want to leave Quentin, though... even if Richard makes it tempting. He's bossy, but he's nice and makes accommodations when Fi can't keep up. He's never made Fiona feel stupid... well, he has, but not intentionally, and he doesn't act like it matters. Fiona's sure that Quentin's noticed, and she hopes that he starts being nicer to her again. Keeping up a relationship during school is harder than keeping up a summer relationship.

She hears Principal Figgins tapping on the microphone, and she winces. The room is dead quiet, but he still demands silence.

"First, an announcement. The toilets are broken again. We are fixing the problem, but let me warn you: There will be zero tolerance for anyone soiling school grounds. We're not going to have a repeat of last time. We have a treat for you guys today." His voice is wooden. "Mr. Schuester."

There's the sound of light, rapid clapping, and Fi can hear "Yay, Glee!" from who is probably the guidance counselor.

"Glee kids, hooray!" the voice continues.

Mercer hangs his head in defeat. Katie shakes her head. Richard has a bright smile on his face.

"Uh, hi!" That's Mr. Schue's voice. "When I went to school here, Glee club ruled this place, and we're on our way back. But we need some recruits to join the party! Now, I could tell you all about how great Glee is -" Okay, maybe Fi feels a little guilty "- but, uh, I think I'm gonna let some friends of mine show you instead."

That's their cue. The music starts, and Fi watches as Mr. Schue's face falls.

_It's better than disco, right? _she tells herself.

No one else seems to care about it, so Fiona throws herself into the show. She makes a point to not look in the direction of the football team. At the end of it all, everyone is silent.

_I did not just embarrass myself in front of the girl I like for nothing,_ Katie seethes.

Then Jackie Ben Israel stands up and screams "Yes!" which somehow lauds everyone into applause. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief, and a giant smile breaks out over Fi's face. The guilt is forgotten, at least by her.

Richard doesn't forget it. Well, he wasn't guilt-ridden in the first place, but then Mr. Schuester was called into the principal's office. Now Richard waits outside the door, forehead on the wall. As soon as the teacher walks out, Richard starts to apologize.

"Do you understand what you did today?" Mr. Schue bursts out. "You lied to me – and you ruined our chances! No parent in their right mind is going to let their kid join Glee now. Oh, and here's the list of the songs that we're allowed to sing."

"What's a left balloon?"

Mr. Schue shakes his head. "Look, Richard, I know how much you care about Glee Club, and I understand why you did that, but I don't like the way you did it." He walks away, and Richard looks back down at the list. It's printed on designer "American Flag" paper.

BREAK

Richard taps a key on the piano, and looks up at Fiona.

"Okay, try."

"La!" Fiona sings in a strong voice.

"Good! Okay, one more up." Richard hits a key an octave up.

"Laa!" Her voice isn't as strong this time, and she thinks she squeaks a little. "Was that okay?"

"Yeah, that was good. That's like the holy grail for a mezzo-soprano, so it's a good note." Richard looks back at the keys. "I'll start at the bottom, and we can go up higher."

"Can we take a break?" Fi asks. "Singing kinda makes me hungry."

"Yeah, sure. Lucky I've prepared for that." He smiles and indicates the odd picnic set-up a few feet away.

"Wow! I was wondering what that was all about."

"Wanna sit?" He's nervous. Richard likes making romantic gestures. He knows he shouldn't since Fiona is spoken for, but he doesn't like the way Quentin treats Fi – or anyone else for that matter. He desperately would like to be someone's prince in shining armor that supports the maiden in question and helps her realize her full potential.

"Yeah." There's a wide smile on Fiona's face as she walks towards the red pillows and blankets. Richard wants to run his thumb along Fi's bottom lip and pull her into a sweet embrace... It wouldn't be too photogenic because Fiona's actually a couple of inches taller than Richard.

_We need more diversity in the media,_ he thinks. "I was wondering why you asked me to help you with your singing. You kicked butt at the assembly."

"Well, this is my only chance to be, y'know, good like you."

Richard pauses before pulling out the cups he brought. "You think I'm good?" He knows he's good, but it's so different to hear someone _say_ it. Especially someone who used to think he was lame. It's an affirmation that Richard can win over the people who don't believe as long as he tries hard enough.

"When I first joined, I thought you were kind of insane. You talk a lot, and to be honest with you, I looked under the bed to make sure you weren't there... but then I heard you sing. I don't know how to say this, but you touched something in me, right here." She places her hand on her chest.

Richard bites his lip to hide a smile. "Your heart's on the other side of your chest." He reaches forward and every so gently moves it across. This is honestly the closest Fi's been to second base.

"Oh." Fiona laughs nervously. "It's beating really hard."

_She does like me,_ Richard realizes. _I have a chance with this great young woman._

"You're cool, Rich."

Richard almost kisses her – but he can't. His doubts are stopping him. "Do you want a drink?" He pulls out the thermos. "Virgin cosmos."

"Thanks. That stuff you said at the Celibacy Club was cool." She takes the cup Rich offers.

"Cheers," Richard says with a smile. They drink up.

"You have a little cosmo -" Fiona reaches out and wipes at Richard's lips "- right there."

"You know, you can kiss me if you want to." He can't take back those words.

"I want to." Fiona grabs the collar of Richard's polo and pulls him forward. Despite Richard's fears, Fi doesn't just smash her lips into his. Fiona kisses him gently, and Richard keeps his eyes open for his first kiss. He closes his eyes for the second, when Fiona lowers him down onto the blanket and pillows.

Then she thinks about how Quentin would feel if he found out. She jumps up.

"Did I do something wrong?" Richard asks.

"No, I just gotta go. Please don't tell anybody about this." Fiona rushes off.

Richard scrunches his eyes up and prays it was worth it.

BREAK

"You know, I'm really surprised you guys decided to try out," Mr. Schue says.

"I'm sure you've read about this on the school blog, but Fiona and I have been an item for a while now. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't support her?" Quentin Fabray smiles at Mr. Schue.

He, Santiago, and Brett alternate verses of _Ain't No Grave_ by Russ Taff. Not only do they have permission from Coach Sylvester (who was like to terminate their TA status on a whim), but they have _orders._ Quentin suggested it so that he could get closer to Fiona again.

"You three are going to be my spies," she told them. "I need eyes on the inside. We're going to bring this club down with you." Santiago and Brett high-fived.

_And I'm going to get my girlfriend back._

Things get even better when Mr. Schue took away Richard's solo in Don't Stop Believin' and handed it to Quentin.

Richard doesn't feel the same way.

"You're giving _him_ the solo?" he asks. _First Fi leaves, now this?_ "That's my solo."

"You made this happen, Richard," Mr. Schuester says. "You were the one who wanted to sell sex at the assembly. Quentin's audition song was on Figgins's approved list, and frankly he and his friends did a heck of a job singing it."

"You're punishing me."

"Yes, but it isn't just about that. It's not all about you – or me, as I realized. I'm as responsible for what you did at that assembly as you are," he admits. "I should never have pushed disco so hard. When we did it back in ninety-three, the disco revival was in its hey-day. It was cool and fun. _That_ is what glee is supposed to be about. If we're gonna succeed, we both need to change our mindsets. You're not always going to be the star." Richard shoots him a look of alarm. "But I promise to do my best to make sure you're always having fun. This is a good thing, Richard. We're on our way."

BREAK

Norah's skipping soccer practice, but it isn't because she's lazy today or has rehearsal with Electric Zoo or has detention. She's puking her guts out in the girl's bathroom. What's worse is that she isn't the only one doing that.

_At least I'm properly sick,_ she thinks.


	3. 1x03 Acafellas

**A/N: This is Glee, but all the kids are gender-swapped. What would our perceptions about these people be if their genders were switched? How would their situations be different? I haven't changed the adults (and I'm not including their storylines for the most part) because honestly, I don't find them interesting at all. Almost all of the dialog is exactly the same, but some of it (and some other details) have been changed for continuity. Some storylines have been altered either to fit gender stereotypes or impossibilities (Kurt's bullying, Quinn's pregnancy). Some storylines have been "added" to provide background and foreshadowing for other storylines. Thoughts are included, and a lot of this is based on my interpretations of the characters.**

**If you find **_**any**_** errors (continuity that I missed or made, grammar, spelling, vocabulary, awkward wording), please tell me – and thanks in advance. If my interpretation or alteration of a storyline or character doesn't make sense, please give me your opinion on that. I am more than happy to hear how other people in the fandom sees things, whether it's eye-to-eye with mine or entirely different.**

Gleender-Swapped

**Acafellas**

Richard is determined not to look at Fiona while Mr. Schue teaches the new dance number. If Fiona doesn't dump Quentin, well then she has no business kissing Richard, right? Not to mention how much it hurt to have her walk out on him like that. Ms. Pillsbury' right: Rich needs to protect his heart. He's trying to throw himself into the slow steps, turns, and claps, but there's no flow. The choreography sucks. Quentin catches Richard's eye and nods.

"Can we stop please?" he requests.

"You don't have to ask me for permission to go to the bathroom every time, Rich. You can just go." Mr. Schue turns back to face the chalk board.

"It's not my bladder," Richard informs him. "It's the choreography."

"Okay, what's wrong with the choreography?" Mr. Schue asks.

_First of all, Fiona pegged me to do it, and I can do a hell of a better job than you._

BREAK

That morning, Quentin and Santiago talked to Richard about it. Richard was flattered that they would come to him with their qualms due to his already asserted leadership over the group.

"The dancing sucks," Quentin said.

"It's completely unoriginal," Santiago added.

"Aren't you guys going to get shunned for talking to me?" Richard asked.

"Hey, bro, we're a team now," Quentin said with a smile. "But you've got to do something about Mr. Schue's dance routines." Quentin assured Richard that Dakota Stanley was the best show choir choreographer in the Midwest.

"He works with Vocal Adrenaline," Santiago said. "We can't take Regionals without him. He was the understudy to the candelabra in Beauty and the Beast on Broadway."

BREAK

Now Richard stands in front of Mr. Schuester. He hopes the choir director doesn't take it personally; this is just about the competition.

"We can't compete with Vocal Adrenaline using these steps," he insists. "You're a great vocal coach, Mr. Schue," he looks back to Quentin, "but you're not a – a trained choreographer. That's what we need to beat Vocal Adrenaline. We need Dakota Stanley."

"Just because he understudied doesn't mean he ever performed," Mr. Schue says in an irritated voice.

"Did you ever perform, Mr. Schuester?" Quentin asks. "After high school. Did you even try?"

Richard casts his gaze down because now it's personal, and he doesn't want to humiliate the only teacher at McKinley who understands Richard's need for an audience. But when Richard bakes _I'm Sorry_ star cookies, Mr. Schue doesn't want them.

"Don't be sorry." He brushes it off. "You were right. You know, the truth is, Richard, if you weren't so hard on me, I never would've had the guts to start Acafellas." He told them about his acapella boy band earlier that day.

"But we need you, Mr. Schue. You've been distracted all week, and I thought it was my fault. You've missed three rehearsal."

"Which is why I think you should hire Montana."

"Dakota."

"I'll still be there to help you guys sing and stuff, but I just don't have time to do all of it anymore." He walks out, and Richard sums up his indignation. He walks to the choir room, sugar cookies still in hand, and announces that Mr. Schue won't be coming.

"Of course he doesn't want anything to do with us after you kicked him in the nads!" Fi shouts.

"Then why did he thank me?" Richard counters.

"The goal," Santiago interrupts, "is to win. Now that Mr. Schuester has agreed to let us hire Dakota Stanley, we can."

"But he doesn't want us to," Fi contradicts him. "He just doesn't have the confidence to coach us anymore. He's real sensitive when it comes to this kinda stuff."

"And that's my fault?" Richard asks, eyebrows raised.

"Do you see anyone else in here with a plate of 'I'm-Sorry' cookies? I don't, just you."

"I'm bored," Quentin announces. "All those in favor of hiring Dakota Stanley?" He raises his hand. So do Tony, Mercer, Katie, Richard, Santiago, and Brett. Missy half-raises her hand but lowers it when Fi turns around to count.

The bell rings, and Richard stalks out, arms curled around his sweater-vest. Fiona followed him.

"You can't just do this to Mr. Schue!" she bursts out.

"What? Make him a hero?" he answers sarcastically. "Once we hire Dakota and get to Nationals, he'll thank me for it. You heard Santiago; it's all about winning."

"Since when?" Fiona demands.

"You have your popular clique and soccer and your cliché blond boyfriend; Glee is my one shot." Richard couldn't meet Fi's gaze. "If this doesn't work out, then my whole high school life will be nothing but an embarrassment."

"Whoa, whoa, what's a cliché? Is that a bad thing?" Fi walks in front of Rich to stop him in his tracks. "Is this one of those things where you act pissed about one thing, but you're really mad about something else?"

Rich shakes his head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well for a while there, you were kinda all over me, and now you just yell at me. It makes me think that you're still upset about what happened in the auditorium."

"I'm not," Richard says cheerfully. "I've moved on, and I'm focusing on my career now." He walks past her.

Fiona tries to catch up. "You wanna talk about it?" she offers.

"No, and neither do you. It's kind of ironic how you're Miss Popular, and I'm just this nobody that everybody makes fun of, but I have enough confidence to say out loud what happened between us in the auditorium was real. You have feelings for me, and you just don't have the guts to admit it." He takes a breath. "We're hiring Dakota Stanley."

"Even if it means me quitting?"

It takes Richard a second, but he responds strongly. "Yes."

Fiona watches him with a frown. _He's right. He's wrong about Stanley, but he's right about the rest._

BREAK

Santiago and Quentin are reporting to Coach Sylvester during lunch.

"It's a good start," she says with a smile. "You're sowing the seeds of destruction."

"Mr. Schuester barely even shows up for rehearsals," Santiago says smugly.

"Barely will not cut it," Coach Sylvester pronounces. "I will not be satisfied until Glee club is disbanded. What about this Dakota character? Any chance he actually helps?"

Quentin shakes his head. "They're soft. He'll eat them alive. I give them fifteen minutes before the first one quits or tries to commit suicide."

Coach Sylvester steps off her StairMaster. "You know, boys, I know a lot about special forces. I was on the strike team in Panama when we tried to get Noriega. We took out the shepherd, then we went after the sheep. We need to go after these Glee clubbers one by one. I want my full budget restored." Quentin and Santiago nod. "I need a fog machine."

BREAK

Mercer leans against his locker, watching couples pass by in the hall. He doesn't have a crush on anyone in particular, but it would be nice to be with someone. He looks across the way to see Santiago kissing Norah Puckerman. Kate comes up to her locker, and Mercer keeps his eyes on Brett Pierce macking on Michelle Chang.

"Have you ever kissed somebody?" he asks.

"Yes," Kate says with a sigh. "If by someone you mean the tender crook of my elbow." _Mercer doesn't know, right? No one knows._ "No, I haven't. But I want to." She thinks about how broken up Fi looked when they all decided to hire Dakota Stanley.

She catches Mercer staring longingly at Santiago and Norah.

"Let me stop you right there, Merc. We are in _Glee Club._ That means we are the bottom of the social heap. Special Ed kids will get more play than we will." Mercer smiles in spite of himself. "The only thing that gets me by is my knowledge that we are superior to all of them." Katie links arms with him and pulls him down the hall. "What are you wearing on our Operation: Dakota Stanley field trip?"

Mercer looks at her in confusion. "Is there a dress code?"

"No, but every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion. We'll hit the mall after school. Meet me in second lunch."

"Okay." He waives to her.

"You should totally scoop that." It's Quentin, and Santiago isn't far behind.

"Katie? I don't think I'm her type." _Right?_

"Oh, I think you are," Quentin assures him. "Just follow our lead. We've got your back."

BREAK

"I'm bored," Brett says. The blond stops dancing. Santiago sits up where he was lying on his bed. Brett turns off the music and looks over at Santiago.

"Come on, then," Santiago says. "I'll give you something to do."

Brett smiles. He goes to the bed, but before he can sit down, Santiago grabs his wrist and pulls the blond on top of him. Santiago holds Brett's wrist to his mouth, and stares into Brett's eyes. He slips his tongue out, and Brett's fingers spasm against the darker boy's face.

"San, don't tease me..." he begs.

"Never." Santiago kisses him, letting go of Brett's wrist. He moans when Brett's tongue presses insistently against his. Brett rubs his hands up Santiago's abs, working his fingers over the skin. Santiago squeezes Brett's ass, kneading Brett's crotch into his own.

"San..." Brett whimpers when Santiago thrusts upward. "San, we have to be quiet."

"I don't wanna be quiet. I wanna make you scream." Brett curls his fingers into Santiago's hair. "Let me fuck you, Brett. I wanna fucking take you now." He kisses Brett and thrusts again. Brett moans and presses his hips down.

"You like that, don't you?" Brett asks. "You like it when I take charge?" He yanks Santiago's head back. "You like that I'm so into you." Santiago doesn't answer, so Brett takes two fingers and puts them between his lips. "Say it. Tell me you want me."

"I -" Brett's fingers slide into Santiago's mouth and Santiago's tongue writhes in his mouth.

"You want my dick there, don't you? You want to suck me off." Santiago whimpers, and Brett presses his crotch harder against Santiago's.

Brett doesn't expect it when Santiago flips him over. He sucks on the blonde's fingers as he slides them out of his mouth, and he lifts up Santiago's shirt to lick his happy trail and work his way downwards. He unzips and unbuttons Brett's jeans with his teeth.

BREAK

"Damn, Katie, your ride is _fly_," Mercer tells the willowy brunette. It's Saturday, and they're in Carmel to see if they can hire Dakota Stanley.

"I got it for my Sweet Sixteen last month after I promised to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee." Richard and Tony both look down at the long-sleeved, tight, red cardigan that hugs Katie's hips. "What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him." She saunters towards the school.

"Are we even sure they're rehearsing today?" Quentin asks.

"Vocal Adrenaline rehearses every day from two-thirty until midnight," Richard supplies. Tony grimaces.

Mercer links arms with Katie. "I'm just so nervous these Vocal Adrenaline kids are gonna laugh at us. They're so cool and popular, and we look like we just stepped off a bus that's on fire."

"Those sweaty Nazis have just had more time to practice," Katie assures him. "We have more heart. And you don't even look burn-worthy; that outfit is amazing."

Mercer grins widely as Katie looks away. He looks to the football players for approval, and they all nod with welcoming smiles on their faces. "So, would you ever, you know, wanna hang out?" he asks casually.

"Come over! It's Liza Minnelli week on AMC." She smiles.

"Guys," Richard interrupts, "that's Andrew Cohen. He won outstanding soloist last year because he's absolutely fantastic!" Andrew Cohen is a light-skinned, thin Black boy who's vomiting into a trashcan. A pretty Asian boy with a neck cast is patting his back and making sure his hair doesn't get into his face.

"You can't leave rehearsals for any reason. That includes heat exhaustion," the boy tells Andrew. Richard walks up to them with a smile on his face. "Or Crohn's Disease!"

"Are you guys with Vocal Adrenaline? We'd like to talk to Dakota Stanley about choreographing for our glee club."

_I think we should help these people,_ Tony thinks to himself.

_This dude is vomiting into a trashcan, and Richard wants to hire the guy that's working them this hard?_ Mercer's eyes are wide.

"Don't hire him!" Andrew warns with tears in his eyes. "He's a monster."

At Richard's insistence, they walk in anyways to see Vocal Adrenaline do "Mercy" by Duffy. Their moves are concise but fluid; their harmonies are distinct but perfectly pitched. Richard knows this is exactly what they need to win, and Katie is wondering if the possibility of exercise-induced vomit might be worth it. Dakota Stanley is not at impressed.

"Get off my stage!" he shouts. That's not the end of rehearsals, but it's the end of his mentoring time. As they follow Stanley, Richard bumps into a short, brunette woman with a wide mouth.

"Sorry!" Richard says hurriedly. The woman stares after him. Once outside, Richard forgets all about the woman. "Mr. Stanley! We're the McKinley High Glee Club!"

"No interviews," he tells them.

"We'd like you to choreograph for us!" Tony bursts out.

"Look, my fee is eight thousand dollars per number plus a ten thousand dollar bonus if you place in the top three, and with Dakota Stanley at the wheel, you _will_ place in the top three." He drives off.

"How are we gonna get eight _thousand_ dollars?" Richard asks.

BREAK

"Mr. Schue?" Fiona says, walking into the director's office. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm quitting Glee, too."

"I didn't quit Glee," Schue responds defensively.

"You might as well have," Fi counters. "It's bad in there. I tried talking some sense into Richard, but he got all mad at me... I like performing, but I miss hanging out with my friends. I have practice numbers on top of homework, and none of my friends are really get it."

Mr. Schuester looks up at her. "Have the guts to stick with it a little longer. You are a gifted performer, Fi, and you can't quit now. If you do, you're just gonna regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me, I know." He gives her a meaningful look. "You'll make friends with the rest of them. Give it time."

Fiona shrugs. "It's just not fun anymore." She turns to leave.

"Hey, Fi, wait." Fi looks back at her teacher. "Why don't you get some of your friends to join Glee?"

"You can play guitar, can't you Fi?" Mr. Schue asks. "You must know a few other musically-talented students."

"Yeah... My friend Nor. We took guitar classes together. I'd ask her, but she has her own band – Electric Zoo, have you heard of them?" Actually, Fi hasn't heard much about it in the past week, but she decides to ask anyways.

As it turns out, Missy and Tony have been practicing so much for Glee that there have been less Electric Zoo rehearsals. They haven't been writing songs, so there's nothing new they need to do together. Norah's been playing and singing on her own, but she can't get a gig because everyone's too busy. What Norah doesn't tell Fiona is that she was sick last week. She feels nauseous all day, and she's thinking about skipping soccer the way she skips lunch.

Norah just wants to perform again because the applause honestly makes her feel better. Santiago dumped her; her father's been gone for years... She has a lot to feel bad about, but genuine applause makes that all go away. She agrees to do Glee with Fi, even if she's jealous of the lanky athlete, because right now jamming with her best friend sounds nice.

BREAK

Quentin gets Coach Sylvester to volunteer her Cheerios for a car wash so the Glee Club can raise money. Mercer and Katie are wiping down the black exterior of the soprano's Cadillac Escalade. Mercer tucks a large, random rock close to his bucket so he doesn't kick it somewhere by accident.

"Your rims are clean," Mercer says sharply. "We polished them like three times already."

"Did you bring a change of clothes? Because we're going straight to the Sing-Along of The Sound of Music." She beams at Mercer.

"Listen, Kate, this is like the third time we've gone out. Can we just make it official?"

"Make _what_ official?"

"You know," Mercer replies with a sweet smile. "That we're dating."

Katie freezes for a second. "I'm sorry, Mercer, but I thought I made it very clear. I'm in love with someone else." Her eyes drift behind Mercer, and he notices. Instead of seeing Fiona, Mercer's gaze goes straight to the soloist cringing at the giant sponge in his hands.

"Richard?" Mercer asks.

Confusion clouds Katie for a second, but she rolls with it. "Yes! For several years now." Katie looks away.

Mercer is humiliated. He doesn't think; he just grabs the rock from next to his bucket and hurls it through Katie's windshield.

"You busted my window!" Katie squeals. "How could you do that? You _busted my window!_"

"Well, you busted my heart," Mercer answers. He stalks away to work on another car.

Katie stares at the windshield and wonders if it would have been better or worse if she told the truth.

BREAK

Dakota Stanley passes them papers silently as they all stand in a line in the choir room. He doesn't give Missy one.

"Okay, please examine your personalized menus," he says in a sharp voice. "This is what you're gonna be eating for the next six months."

Mercer frowns. "Mine just says coffee." The short man nods.

"What's smelt?" Richard asks with a grimace.

"A pungent, low carb, freshwater fish," Stanley explains. "Okay, let's start with today's business: Missy, you're cut. You're not trying hard enough."

"Wait, what?"

"Walking. Can't be wheeling you around during every number. Throws off the whole dynamic, and it's depressing." He moves down the line.

"So you're kicking him out?" Mercer asks, outraged.

"Mhm! Also you. You's gotta go, Fat Albert."

"You can't kick people out of Glee Club because you don't like the way they look!" Katie nearly shrieked.

"Why don't you shut your face, Gash?" Stanley says. He gets to the football players. "You three, you're great, perfect; don't change anything." They each shoot him a grin. He gets to Norah and Richard. "Lose the mohawk, Courtney Love. You? Ugh, nose job."

"Now just hold on!" Fi says.

"What? What was that Frankenteen?" He cups a hand to his ear. "Why don't you get that dopey look off your face and get some lotion for those knuckles you've been dragging on the ground?"

"What's wrong with you?" Fi asks.

"What wrong with me is that you're freakishly tall! I feel like a woodland creature!" He steps back to the middle of the room. "Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt your feelings? 'Cause I thought you wanted somebody who respected you enough to tell you the _truth_. Maybe you don't have the confidence to hear it. Maybe you need somebody who's going to lie to you; tell you things like 'you got what it takes.' You know what? As far as I can see, you don't! So why don't you just take a little second, take a breather, and ask yourself: Do I wanna be a winner or not?" He's on the verge of laughing. Richard glances over to find all the football players looking his way.

"Screw this," Fi says with finality. "I quit."

"Me, t-t-too," Tony adds.

"Let's roll, Missy," Mercer says.

"That's great!" Stanley announces. "Separate the weak from the strong!" But there's a quiver in his voice. "Perfect."

"Wait," Richard begs as Katie saunters towards the exit. The leaving students turn to face him. "Barbra Streisand. When Barbra was a young ingenue, everyone told her that to be a star, she'd have to get a nose job. Thankfully, she refused."

"Where's this going, hobbit?" Stanley demands.

"Where it's going is that we don't need you. Let's face it – we're never going to be as good dancers as Vocal Adrenaline." Missy winces. "We're gonna win because we're different." Fiona grins. "That's what makes us special."

"All this size lets me take in more air." Mercer's smile is back, and he sounds sure of himself.

"Curtis Mayfield was more successful after he became paralyzed," Missy announces. They're going back towards the line, and Stanley is nervously tugging at an earlobe.

"Jim Abbott," Fi says.

"I have no idea who that is," Kate says with surprise.

"He was a one-handed pitcher for the Yankees. Pitched a no-hitter." Richard smiles at her.

"Okay, so misfits and spazzheads and cripples can make it, too. What's your point?" Stanley's words cut through the air.

Richard rolls his eyes. "Our point is that you're fired. And I'm taller than you."

BREAK

Katie's at her locker. She lost her best friend, and now people are going to start thinking she's in love with Richard. _Ugh._

"Hey, Kate," Mercer greets her quietly. "I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry I did that to your car. I'll pay for it to get fixed."

Katie gives her a sad smile. "It's okay. My dad took my baby away after he found my tiara collection in my Hope Chest."

"And I just wanted to say I hope it works out between you and Rachel." Katie's smile vanishes, and she stares into her locker. "You'd have really cute, loud babies."

"Mercer, I lied to you." Her throat feels stuffed. "I don't like Rachel." She looks around, but the hall is mostly deserted. "I'm gay."

Mercer looks shocked, but he quickly recovers. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because I've never told anyone before." She wipes a tear from her face.

"You shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, Katie. You should just tell people. Especially the kids in Glee." He puts a hand on her shoulder. "The whole point of the club is expressing what's really inside you, remember?"

"I can't." Katie can't even meet his gaze. "I'm just not that confident, I guess." She walks away, and Mercer watches, wondering how he can help his best friend.

BREAK

"So let me get this straight," Coach Sylvester intones. "The Glee club got rid of Dakota Stanley; Mr. Schuester is back; and they're busy at work on a new number more confident than ever. This is what we call a total disaster, boys. I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits." Quentin looks at Santiago in disbelief; Santiago looks back in disgust. They both do as they're told. "That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office. I'm going to have to make you two do extra filing for the rest of the week."

Santiago knows better than to groan in Sue Sylvester's office, but he stomps out quickly. Quentin, on the other hand, wants to get under her skin.

"Miss Sylvester, I'd like to thank you for teaching me a valuable life lesson: When you're really confident in yourself, you don't have to put other people down."


	4. 1x04 Preggers

**A/N: This is Glee, but all the kids are gender-swapped. What would our perceptions about these people be if their genders were switched? How would their situations be different? I haven't changed the adults (and I'm not including their storylines for the most part) because honestly, I don't find them interesting at all. Almost all of the dialog is exactly the same, but some of it (and some other details) have been changed for continuity. Some storylines have been altered either to fit gender stereotypes or impossibilities (Kurt's bullying, Quinn's pregnancy). Some storylines have been "added" to provide background and foreshadowing for other storylines. Thoughts are included, and a lot of this is based on my interpretations of the characters.**

**If you find **_**any**_ **errors (continuity that I missed or made, grammar, spelling, vocabulary, awkward wording), please tell me – and thanks in advance. If my interpretation or alteration of a storyline or character doesn't make sense, please give me your opinion on that. I am more than happy to hear how other people in the fandom sees things, whether it's eye-to-eye with mine or entirely different.**

Gleender-Swapped

**Preggers**

"You know," Santiago tells Katie one day in the hall, "you must really be OCD about fashion."

"Don't compare my perfectionist tendencies to a mental illness," Katie answers, opening her locker. "It's ableist."

"Because," Santiago continues, "you keep staring at Fiona." Katie knows better than to stop dead, but a chill settles over her. "And Missy. And Nor. You're not exactly subtle, you know."

"Are you implying something?" Katie asks in a sharp voice.

"You staring at Fiona's ass during the whole dance number yesterday was more than implying something," Santiago counters.

"You think I like girls?" The words come out flat.

"Oh, more than that... I think you don't like boys." He leans in. "I think you have a crush on Quentin's girl."

"Like I'm the only one!" Katie snaps, slamming her locker shut. Her heart is pounding in her chest. "Have you seen the way Richard looks at her sometimes? I'm sure I don't look like I'm about to swallow Fiona whole."

"Hey, chill," Santiago says. "Lucky for you, I've got a plan to break Quentin and Fiona up." Santiago just broke up with Nor the past week, and it was because she wouldn't put out. _Since when is Norah not in the mood for sex?_ And then she kept looking at Quentin. Norah eying other men isn't new, but not putting out? Something is up between them. Quentin couldn't keep his paws off Santiago's girl, so Santiago is going to take away Quentin's.

"Honestly? I don't care about their relationship. I have my own problems that don't involve romance." That isn't entirely true. It's getting harder and harder for Katie to look at Burt, her father, without blurting the news out. Sometimes she feels like she's living a lie, and those are the nights she falls asleep watching Naomily scenes from Skins and crying into her pillow. Sometimes she just wishes desperately that some girl, _any girl,_ will look at her the right way.

"You know what, Katie? I'm going to do you a favor." Santiago smiles and struts down the hall, leaving Katie with a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The next day, there are three magazines in her locker: Playboy, Suicide Girls, and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Katie nearly screams. Luckily, Mercer hasn't gotten to his locker yet, so Katie snatches the magazines and shoves them in her large Luis Vuitton bag she brought instead of a backpack. When she gets home, she hides them in her pillowcase. She stares at it, wondering what possessed Santiago to do such a thing.

_He probably just wanted to embarrass me._ It takes her three hours, but she's finally curious enough to wonder what sort of porno mag would name themselves "Suicide Girls." She flips through it to find each girl decorated with a tattoo. Many of them have colorful hair and piercings. All of them a beautiful, and a surprise amount of the pictures are, in their own way, tasteful. They're not Katie's type, but they're confident, and that's more than Katie can say for herself. There are the token "lesbian-esque" spreads, and the brunette's eyes linger over those, but the magazine ends up back in her pillowcase.

_Well, maybe the bikini mag wouldn't hurt. _She's actually interested in what the swimsuits are. She focuses a bit too more on the hair and make-up than the girls themselves because in all honesty, their need to please doesn't do anything for Katie. On top of that, she just feels like there's no chance any of them would be into her in real life. A note falls out of the middle, and it's from Santiago. San's handwriting isn't messy like Katie expected: It's sharp and quick.

_Wasn't sure what you'd like, so I got a couple of things. This is it, though – no more handouts. I'm not saying no to some quality porn trading, though. I'll also take secrets and favors for mags. _That makes Katie embarrassed all over again, and she stuffs the note at the bottom of her trash can. Katie refuses to touch the Playboy.

It's almost too bad because her father still finds them.

"What are these?" he waves them in Katie's face.

"Those are for art class," Katie says with a smile and a blush. "We're doing life art, which means drawing the human form, and if we want extra credit, we can draw someone, uh, naked in various positions for extra credit. I wanted a little variety in my choices."

"Isn't this inappropriate?" Burt looks down at the brunette with tattoo sleeves on the cover of Suicide Girls.

"It would be inappropriate if we drew members of the opposite sex," Katie explains, "but I bought the magazines myself. This is a way better option than me asking someone to model."

"Definitely," Burt agrees quickly. "Just show me your project before you turn it in."

_Crisis averted._

BREAK

Richard frowns when he looks at the sheet music Mr. Schue hands out.

"Excuse me, this isn't in the right key."

"No, that's actually the right key," Mr. Schuester says, giving Missy and Tony their papers.

"This is sung by Tony in West Side Story," Richard insists. "This key is too low for me."

"That's because our Tony is the one singing it," Mr. Schue tells him. Missy looks up to see a smile curled on Tony's face.

"I'm sorry, there must be some sort of mix-up," Richard says, his voice wavering slightly. "I thought I made it clear that anything from West Side Story goes to me. My dads met doing a production of West Side Story; I've had a very deep, personal connection to this role since I was born!"

"Well, I'm trying to shake things up a bit," Mr. Schue explains, "get us out of our boxes."

"You're trying to punish me," Richard asserts.

Mr. Schue shrugs. "I think you're being irrational." Quentin agrees. Norah wants to punch Richard in the face. She has a ginormous headache, and she feels like she's going to vomit. Again.

"I think you're being unfair!" Richard projects.

"I think _you're_ being unfair to Tony," Mr. Schuester says, indicating the quiet goth boy, "who might have been happy about his first solo."

"Tony knows how much I respect him, and I think he would agree with me that he's not ready for such an iconic role as Tony the Jet!"

"Wait," Mercer interrupts, looking down at his paper. "I'm a _Jet?_" His comments leads to exactly what he was hoping for: Richard stomps out. He slams the door for good measure.

Artemisia looks over at Tony, who's embarrassed. _Thanks for your 'respect,' Rich,_ Missy thinks. "The more times he storms out of rehearsal, the less of an impact it has."

"Congratulations, Tony," Mr. Schue says, and Tony smiles at him. "This is going well."

Mercer lightly socks the beanied boy on the arm. Everyone starts to walk out to get to their first class (or in Quentin's and his friends' cases, teacher assisting), but Mr. Schue stops Fiona and Norah.

"Can I ask you two a favor?" The girls nod. "Glee needs more girls. I was wondering if you would talk to some of your friends on the soccer team, to see if they were interested."

Norah sighs. This is the last thing she needs on top of her fears. Fi, though, takes it up gladly. Having her best friend in Glee is good, but she'd like it if there were more crossover between soccer and Glee.

BREAK

It's horrible. Missy is over at Norah's house when it happens because they're rehearsing and seeing if they can write another song. Tony isn't there because he's practicing for his solo. Missy is complaining about Richard when Norah's stomach lurches, and she runs to the bathroom to vomit.

She doesn't vomit. She dry-heaves over the porcelain throne she has paid homage to many times over the past two years. It lasts five minutes, and she feels like she's suffocating. The door's open, and Missy wheels herself in front of it.

"Nor, you've been sick for the past couple of weeks," she says when Norah finally finishes. "Do you think you might be -"

"Don't say it!" Norah hisses.

"Are you sure, because -"

"No, I'm not." Norah leans back as she sits on the toilet lid.

Missy pushes into the bathroom. "Can I?" she asks, reaching for Norah's stomach. Norah sighs and stands up, and Missy does what Norah has refused to do for two weeks. Missy's hand is warm against Norah's torso.

"It's really firm, Nor."

"I'm an athlete! I have abs!"

"Not really, not anymore."

Norah stares down at her stomach. Missy's lying just a little bit, but Norah wonders if this could be the first time the pill failed to work for her. She had a pregnancy scare once before, and since then she has been meticulous about when she takes the pill and always using a condom on top of that, but... _But Quentin didn't use one._

"Do you want to get a test?"

Norah just nods, and they run off to the nearest convenience store. Norah doesn't buy the pregnancy test because she's freaking out; she just shoves the wadded money in Missy's hands and waits in the car. Norah drives them back to her house. They sit on Norah's bed as they wait for the stupid little stick to make up its mind.

"I can't look at it." Norah turns around to face the wall. "You do it. You got the one that just says 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant', right?"

"Yeah." Missy glances at her friend, then reaches for the stick. It's kind of gross to think that Norah _peed_ on it, but she pushes the thought away. She stares at the stick for a few minutes before the word registers. "You're pregnant."

The expression on Norah's face is a horrible combination of terror and triste.

"Oh my god. What am I going to do?" This is the first time Missy has seen Norah cry let alone sob her heart out, and it's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs – well, if that dog had a mohawk and then skateboarded down the street.

"It'll be fine," Missy answers nervously. "You, uh, you know who the dad is, right?" It isn't right to slut-shame, she knows, and it's a really insensitive question. Even so, she wants to help Norah figure out a plan, and that usually involves the father.

"Y-yeah," Norah sniffs. "I can't tell you, though."

"Why not? I can keep a secret."

Norah looks over at Missy. "Santiago would probably tear whoever it is apart."

Missy nods. "I won't tell anyone."

"It's... It's Quentin."

Missy doesn't skip a beat. "You should probably quit soccer. Do you want to tell Quentin?"

BREAK

Katie scribbles furiously on a scratch paper to the side of her "masterpiece." Shell probably end up turning it in to see if she actually can get extra credit for it. She's sketching a girl in Sports Illustrated. This is all Santiago's fault, and she'd punch him in the face if she weren't sure he'd pull a razor out of his hair to slice her up for bruising his pretty face.

As it turns out, girls are way harder to draw when they're naked. Katie usually ignores hair because she focuses so much on clothes, but now that she has to pay attention to the lines and shading of the face and hair, it's hell. She can't seem to get the curve of anything right, and she drew a perfect eye only to find that the angle was wrong for the face. It just frustrates her so much because pretending to be straight is getting harder and harder. She ends up staring at her wall, wondering if it would be easier to just come out. She pictures telling her dad, but the thought just makes her stomach hurt and her palms sweat.

BREAK

"Come here," Norah hisses in the hallway. She grabs Quentin by his collar and pulls him into an empty classroom.

"Stay away from me," Quentin barks at her. "Look, what happened doesn't mean anything. We were drunk; it was stupid. You promised you wouldn't tell anyone." He's nervous, but he can't let Nor know that.

"We might have to tell people," Nor says slowly. "Quen, I'm pregnant."

"I..." _Oh, fuck._ "You said you were on the pill!"

"Yeah, well we both know that the only thing that works one-hundred percent is _celibacy._"

"You can't get an abortion," Quentin says quickly. "You can't -"

"I can do whatever the fuck I want," Norah responds, crossing her arms. "If you wanted me to act Christian about this fetus, you should have thought about that before you fucked a Jew." This isn't exactly true; most Jewish faith says that abortion is wrong, but at the same time most congregations supported abortion access for women. "Look, I have no idea what I'm going to do. But you know what I need?"

"What?" There's that look, the one that used to make Norah smile all the time. The look that made Norah forget about her best friend and sleep with Fiona's boyfriend.

"I need your support. You – you know my dad walked out when I was little. I need you to help me. Even if I decide to abort it or give it up for adoption or something, I need you there, Quentin."

"I... I'll try." Norah doesn't think that means anything until he hugs her. She squeezes him for all he's worth.

BREAK

Richard auditions for Burrs in McKinley's production of _The Wild Party._ He isn't entirely sure how Mr. Ryerson, now instated as the school's arts director, managed to find a PG-13 version for them to perform, but he's sure someone made it. He sings _How Many Women in the World_, and even though he knows he was better than anyone else at auditions, he's still ecstatic when he finds out he got the part. Explaining it to Mr. Schuester is easy and, if Richard admits it, involves a little bit Schadenfreude.

"I was presented an opportunity to showcase my talents, and I took it. How's it any different from when you quit Glee to form your boy band?" Richard is doing dance stretches.

"Because I didn't do it out of spite."

_Spite? No, you giving Tony the solo from West Side Story was done out of spite. Asshole._ Richard clears his throat delicately. "I'm offended by that accusation. I've always been a team player." Mr. Schue raises his eyebrows. "Just admit it Mr. Schue: You don't like me very much."

"That's not true! I am your biggest – and sometimes your only – fan."

Richard looks up at Mr. Schue, searching for the right words. It feels good to have a fan, to hear someone besides his fathers say they support him, but he needs this musical. He needs to get practice and to be criticized, and he can't get that if he doesn't get solos. "I know who I am. I know I can be a little abrasive, bossy, and conceited. I'm just hurt you chose to judge me on that rather than my talent. I know it sounds awful, but I am the best one in there! I try the hardest, and I want it the most."

"Everyone knows that, and they're scared of it," Mr. Schue explains. "They all think they can slack off because you'll pick up their weight. We can't win Regionals like that. We need everyone to think that they're a star."

"I'm not quitting Glee; I'm just looking for a reason to stay."

He packs up his equipment now that he's done stretching. "Oh, like me taking the solo away from Tony?"

"Everyone on the team is getting something out of being there. You're doing a great job of getting them out of their shells... except for me. I'm still getting my cardigans flushed down the toilet. I still don't have a girlfriend. Tony's great, but why do you have to hurt me to make him feel good?"

Mr. Schue doesn't have anything to say to that, so he goes with another tactic. "Just come to rehearsal," he pleads.

BREAK

Tony starts singing _Something's Coming. _He climbs up the ladder to hit the peak of the song, then down again at the finish. Mr. Schue smiles enthusiastically even as Tony goes too sharp on the last note.

"That was great, Tony," he tells the goth.

"You don't have to say that, I was sh-sharp." He shoves his hands into his pockets. "I c-can't do this."

"Hey, look at me." Mr. Schue puts a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Have you noticed that the more confident you are, the less you stutter?"

Tony smiles awkwardly. _If only that meant something._

"I need you to be great at Regionals. To do that, you've got to know that you can do this."

_But I can't do this._ "You have to give this song to Richard. He's better than me – and you know he'll quit if you don't. I'll take one for the t-team." He leaves.

BREAK

"You're quitting the soccer team?" Fiona asks. "Why?"

"I can't do it anymore," Norah says. Her heart feels heavy. "It's too dangerous now."

"Dangerous? What are you talking about?" She can't believe it. Since when does Norah care about danger? She has to be bullshitting Fi. But when Nor slumps her shoulders and presses her palms to her eyes, Fi figures there's something up.

"I'm pregnant."

"Shit, Nor."

Nor nods. "I can't do sports. Jesus. I know what everyone calls me; this is just going to make it worse. _Fuck._ What am I gonna do, Fi?"

"You'll be okay!" Fiona puts an arm around the mohawked girl.

"All of my friends are on the soccer team. They already think I'm weird for having a mohawk and joining Glee. What the fuck are we going to have in common now?" She's so angry, she almost punches the locker. Then she remembers she's supposed to be more careful with herself. A bruised hand isn't going to hurt the baby, but what if she broke it and needed pain killers? She already hates being pregnant.

"Mr. Schue asked us to get some girls to join Glee," Fi suggests. "Maybe we could get a few, then you'd keep some friends." She doesn't give Nor the "they're not real friends if they don't still like you" speech because Nor wouldn't believe it anyways. "Maybe we could get them to do a number with Glee."

That's how the soccer team ends up doing step-ball-change dance moves in the choir room. Mr. Schue even has the coach's whistle.

"That's good guys. You're still a little tight. It's just like you're playing soccer," he assures them. He starts crab-walking, but Katie taps him on the shoulder. "Watch Katie. She's good at this."

"Okay, ladies. Five, six, seven, eight. Hand, hand." Katie was really in her element. "Point to the finger, hip, head. Oh! Sneak attack back to the ring; comb through the hair, slap-the-butt."

"You're really good at this," Michelle Chang tells her.

"You, too," Katie says. "You're a quick learner and a great dancer."

"Do you do this all the time? In Glee, I mean. I thought it was all musicals and stuff."

"Oh, no. We do a lot of modern songs. We do some classic stuff, too. Mr. Schue and Richard push us into show-tunes – not that I mind – but everyone else prefers modern stuff. We haven't done country yet, thank god." Katie smiles at the graceful girl.

"Well that's cool. I've always liked dancing; I just... you know, I don't think I'm that good at singing." She wrings her hands.

"Honey," Katie assures her, "there is enough vocal talent in that room to last us a lifetime. We could always use more dancers, and you can come up with choreography if you want. Mr. Schuester isn't that great at it to be honest."

"I guess I'll show up at Glee Club next week." Michelle's grin is pretty wide.

BREAK

Katie signs the corner of her paper before bringing it up to Burt. He doesn't look at it very long, and she almost wishes he would because she worked very hard on it. When she looks at it, though, all she sees is hours spent slaving over a lie.

"This is very good," Burt says. "You have talent."

She takes a deep breath. "Dad, I'm glad that you're proud of me, but I don't want to lie anymore. Being a part of Glee club has shown me that I really can be anything. Well, what I am is..." She freezes for a second, but she pushes through it. "I'm gay."

"I know."

"Really?" No one else had because all they see is fashionable Katie Hummel who screamed when a mouse crawled into Spanish class last year.

"I've known since you were three. You kept having your Barbies kiss each other, and you asked why a princess never came to save Sleeping Beauty." Katie smiles nervously. "I guess I'm not totally in love with the idea, but if that's who you are, there's nothing I can do about it, and I love you just as much." Katie hugs him because this is what she wanted. This is almost everything she wanted, and her daddy gave it to her just like he always does. "Thank you for telling me, Katie."

BREAK

"Let's welcome two new Glee members, Michelle Chang and Matilda Rutherford," Mr. Schue says. "And let's hear _Something's Coming._" Richard smiles, and Mr. Schue feels guilty. "Tony, show us what you've got."

Tony beams as he heads up to the front of the room. Richard stomps out and heads to the auditorium, where Mr. Ryerson is painting a block of wood for set.

"I thought you had Glee practice my multitasking little star." He doesn't look up.

"I quit. I am yours exclusively." Richard looks to the student pianist. "How about this time in B flat?"


	5. 1x05 The Rhodes Not Taken

Gleender-Swapped

**The Rhodes Not Taken**

They're practicing _Don't Stop Believing_, and this time Quentin is taking Richard's part. In all honesty, Fiona isn't happy about it. Richard was the one who got her into Glee, and now he just quit like it means nothing. Quentin has mixed feelings – he doesn't like being considered a replacement for Richard, but he's grateful for the opportunity to prove that he's better than attention-stealing sophomore. They're interrupted when in the middle of the song, Nor rushes to go vomit. She doesn't make it past the hallway.

"Norah, are you okay?" Mr. Schue calls.

"I think she just had a bad breakfast burrito," Fi says quickly.

_Wait,_ Quentin thinks, giving Fiona a look, _Norah told _her_ about our baby? What the hell was she thinking?_

"Can we please just address the giant elephant in the room?" Katie asks, hands at her hips.

"Your sexuality?" Quentin threatens.

"Richard," Katie answers, ignoring Quen. "We can't do it without him."

"That's not true," Mr. Shue insists. "We may have to layer Santiago or Mercer over Quentin's solo, but we'll be fine." He doesn't look like he believes it.

"Maybe for the invitationals," Missy cuts in, "but not for the Sectionals and certainly not to Regionals." She puts down her bass guitar.

"Wheel-chair kid's right. Richard makes me want to set myself on fire," Santiago says, "but he can sing."

"Okay, Richard _left_, guys. She's gone." Mr. Schue looks around at all of them, and Fiona crosses her arms. "Now, if we're gonna make this thing work, we can't look back." No one seems pleased, so he gives up. "Take five, guys."

Everyone starts shuffling around, but Fiona heads towards Mr. Schue at the piano.

"Uh, Mr. Schue, I don't wanna tell you how to do your job, but with all the dancing around that Nor's doing, I'm worried about her baby." Fi sticks her hands in her pockets.

Mr. Schue grimaces but nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I get it. How about I give Missy a few of her verses?"

"Okay."

"Does, uh, does Norah's mom know what's going on?" Mr. Schue asks. "Or, y'know, Santiago?"

"Nor wants to do this herself right now, and I… I can't tell her what to do. I just have to help in any way I can."

BREAK

"So, have I done something wrong?" Fiona asks nervously. She's in Emma Pillsbury's office.

"Oh, no, no," the counselor explains with a bright smile. "No, absolutely not. Actually, I've just, um, taken a special interest in you."

Everything about the counselor is awkward and over-thought. _At least she's nice,_ Fiona thinks.

"Look," Ms. Pillsbury continues, "I know sometimes that life can come at you pretty fast, and you reach a point where you might just need a little special guidance."

"Has someone told you something about my personal life?" Fiona asks. Her first thought is that Mr. Schue told Pillsbury about Norah's baby and she wants Fi to rat Nor out to her mother. Fi's second thought is that this lady somehow found out about her and Richard.

"No, uh-uh. But you know, there are very few students that ever get athletic scholarships, 'kay? There are a lot of schools that give full rides to students that excel in music, students like yourself." She gives Fiona a quiet smile. "And, I don't know, maybe if you were able to go to college, you wouldn't, say, end up stuck in this town in a dead-end job watching the love of your life be happily married and trying to have children with another woman. For example," she quickly added, "that's just something off the top of my head. Plus, you know, if you go to college and get a good job, you'd be able to take care of your mother after retirement."

"So you think if I stuck with Glee, I could get a scholarship?" Fi asks.

"It's definitely a possibility," Pillsbury assures her.

_That would be so amazing. I might even be able to go farther away than Ohio State._

"And if you did well at Regionals, maybe you could generate some interest."

"But we lost Richard, do you think we can do it without him?"

"Sure," Emma says with her best reassuring face. "Definitely." She nods. "But if you were concerned about your future and those who may be a part of your future soon, maybe you could just give Richard a talk, see if you can get him to come back."

_We're screwed._ She has to try anyways, so she heads to the old newspaper classroom, where Jackie Ben Israel is supposed to be giving Richard an interview for the school blog. When Fiona walks in, Richard is looking down at his chest.

"Hey, what're you doin'?"

"Nothing!" Richard says quickly. "Just getting the star treatment I didn't get in Glee," he adds happily.

"Totally." Fi tries to hide her frown.

"It's times like this when I know I've chosen the right path." Fi smiles at him like she usually does when he starts one of his nervous rants. "I'm never going back to Glee; it's clear my talent is too big for an ensemble."

"Not gonna get an argument from me," Fi says with a shrug.

"I'm not?" Richard asks quietly.

"No, you're like the most talented person I know. Even more than that guy at the mall who can juggle chainsaws. I just wanted to let you know that if you need someone to run lines with, I'm available."

Richard looks nervous as he meets her gaze, but Fiona is all confidence and support. She refuses to look away.

"There is a lot of dialog," Richard manages to get out after two failed attempts at speaking.

"I figured we could go somewhere quiet with low lighting?" Fi suggests. It's weird how she's taller than Richard, but Fi kind of likes it. Fi also likes being the one doing the chasing instead of just following Quentin's lead all the time. "Let me know."

Fi walks away, and Richard has that glowing smile that comes from being courted by someone you like.

BREAK

"Guys, I'd like to introduce you to someone very special," Mr. Schue says. "This is April Rhodes. She's our newest member."

"Wait, so old people can join Glee Club now?" Fiona asks.

"Old, huh?" the petite, faux blonde April asks. "You guys look like the world's worst Benetton ad." Katie snorted.

"Mr. Schuester?" Missy pipes up. "This seems like a terrible idea."

"April is a great singer. And she never graduated." The way he said it, it sounded like a plus. Quentin doesn't think so.

"We appreciate what you're trying to do," Mercer says, "but she's no Richard."

"Who's Richard?" April asks.

"H-he's kind of our star," Tony explains.

"Your star, eh?" April grins. "Well where is he?"

"He left to be the lead in _The Wild Party_." Katie frowns.

"Hey, Tinkles, gimme 'Welcome to My Party' in B flat. And don't lemme catch you snoozin'." She takes off her jacket.

April Rhodes can belt. She can sound classically Broadway. She can hit the high notes, oh, can she hit the high notes – she even adds a few. She's an absolute show-stopper, and at the end, Katie pulls an embroidered handkerchief from the pocket of her blazer to dab her eyes.

"Put that in your pipe and smoke it," April says.

It's not long before April is slipping sips of crantini to Katie in the choir room at lunch. Katie knows she shouldn't drink, but Santiago is always talking about how many girls he can bag when he's drunk, and Katie can't stop thinking about Davina Karofsky giving her dark looks in English.

"Now, a few swigs of that every day before school, and you'll have all the courage you need to be yourself." She pinches Katie's cheek.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah!"

"That's fantastic." Katie takes another gulp.

"So is my primo collection of fashion magazines. Want 'em?"

"If they're fashion magazines, where are the clothes?"

"That's the fun part," April whispers.

Most of these are much better than the three Santiago had given Katie, and the ones she doesn't want she trades with him.

And then April's in the locker room giving Nor tips on how to deep throat properly.

"Just remember, if you can stick a beer bottleneck down your throat at the bar, you won't need to find a place to sleep."

"Cool," Norah answers with a grin.

Afterwards, she's teaching Mercer and Tony how to pick up chicks in a bar.

"Don't use breath mints or gum before kissing," she says. "That'll just make it taste funny. What you _want_ to do is pop a mint in before kissin' up her skirt, if you know what I mean. And come up to her when she's with friends; if you come up when she's alone, she'll be more scared of you. Unless she's drunk."

"We shouldn't h-hit up ladies who are d-drunk, though, r-right?" Tony asks.

"Oh, honey. Think of alcohol like lube – you gotta use it to be ready for a good time."

Soon enough, April is the darling of the Glee kids (not to mention the football team).

BREAK

Richard is singing "Wouldn't It Be Nice?", and Ryerson keeps telling him that he sucks.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Sandy finally shouts, stomping a foot on the floor.

"I don't know what you want," Richard says calmly. His day was great before this. Well, not entirely great; someone scribbled that he was a faggot on the bathroom stalls again. When he came in after lunch, he found Jackie Ben Israel scrubbing it off. He might have been grateful if he hadn't needed to pee so badly.

"I know what I don't want, and it is all of _this_," Ryerson tells him, gesturing to the whole of Richard's body. "When I gave you this part, I thought that you could handle it, but clearly you can't. What this show needs is a star with a little bit more maturity."

He sounds so condescending that Richard wants to punch his lights out. Instead, Richard straightens his collar, hidden under another posh sweater. "I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to get _me_ to quit so _you_ can be the star. Well it won't work. I'm not going _anywhere._" He storms out.

"You're a really good actor, Fi," Richard tells her. They're in the choir room, practicing his lines. "Maybe you should consider joining the musical."

"I'm pretty devoted to Glee; I don't think I could just walk away from it," Fi says with a shrug. "It's not how it was for you, _but_ I could justify doing both if you came back." She smiles. "But that's not gonna happen. Do you know what we should do?"

"Elope?" Richard asks suddenly.

"Wait, what?"

"Nothing." Richard blushes but doesn't look away.

"We should go bowling." Fiona walks behind Rich. "You're always so stressed about the play; you just need to loosen up." She sits on the piano bench next to him. "I always go bowling when I'm worked up about a big game or something."

"Just us?" Richard asks, not daring to look at Fiona.

"Yeah."

"Y-yeah, that would be great; I-I am really stressed out, but that's the price you pay for being a star."

"Don't I know it," April interrupts, walking into the choir room. Mr. Schuester walks in with her, and Fi quickly gets off the bench and steps back from Richard.

"April Rhodes, Richard Berry. Richard, April." Richard awkwardly waves at April. "Can you give us the room? We need to the cues for Don't Stop Believin'."

"Wait, she's singing the female lead?" Fi asks.

"No, she's taking over the male parts so Quentin can stand in for Norah. April's voice can handle it better."

"Wait," Richard asks suddenly, "she's in the Glee Club? She's ancient."

"Talent doesn't age, sweetheart," April says with a wink.

"That's Richard's part, Mr. Schue."

"Well Richard isn't in the Glee Club anymore."

Richard gathers his stuff. "Thanks, Fi."

"Richard," Mr. Schue calls. "We're all really excited to see the play. Make sure you save us a seat in the front row."

BREAK

Katie is absolutely disheveled. She got slushied three times yesterday, and she only brought one extra outfit. She couldn't go to her last two classes because she couldn't get up the courage to leave the bathroom. Not even watching _Skins_ could fix it, and she sobbed into her pillow until the sun came up. That morning, she met up with April and drank way too much. To Katie, it felt like just enough. Right up until she bumped into Ms. Pillsbury in the hallway.

"Katie?" the counselor asked. "Katie, your breath smells like rubbing alcohol."

"Oh, Bambi. I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy." Then she upchucked on Ms. Pillsbury's shoes.

Her trip to the emergency room with a hysteric Ms. Pillsbury has to be one of the most embarrassing events of her life, but it's okay because when she wakes up in the hospital, she can't remember it. She definitely remembers the three week grounding her father gives her, though, especially since it means she won't get to see the Lima community college's production of _Rent_.

BREAK

Richard is crying in the bathroom. He tries to pick other places most times, like the library or the stairs during lunch when everyone's in the cafeteria or in class because one time last year, Santiago and Brett found him and tore his favorite sweater vest in half. With their teeth.

This time, it was just unbearable. Ryerson was yelling and screaming, and finally he told Richard that he sucks.

"You know," Quentin said, walking out of a bathroom stall and holding a Sharpie, "I don't think I've ever actually asked if you were gay."

"My dads are gay. I like girls." Richard shoves the napkin he was using into the front pocket of his backpack.

"Then maybe I should stop writing about your enthusiasm for giving head on the walls around here." He sounds light and sweet, but Richard knows that's when he's the most dangerous. That's when he'll say something world-shattering like it's nothing. Like it's a fact and deserves to be said.

"Listen, Quentin, I would rather not have this talk now. Maybe I can make an appointment with your secretary later if you really feel it's that important to demean me during school hours."

"Fi likes you, you know."

Richard doesn't say anything because it sounds like a trap. He knows she likes him. He also knows that it would take something pretty big to pull Fiona away from Quentin. _I'm a star,_ he tells himself. _I can be that big._

"You've been pretty nice to her. Fi's going to need friends like that, what with Nor pulling out of soccer." Quentin smiles.

"I... Why are you being nice to me?"

"This isn't about me; it's about Fi. Remember that." He walks away like he hasn't been harassing Richard every day since high school started. Since he became quarterback.

BREAK

Santiago steals a kiss before putting Brett in the back seat. Well, it was _supposed_ to be one kiss. Brett turned it into seven. Or more, San's lost count. A little voice in Santiago's head will pop up and tell him that they're going to be late picking up Matilda and Michelle, but when he pulls back Brett will grab him by his tie and pull him back in for another kiss.

"Babe," Santiago finally says. "We have to stop."

"But I love kissing you," Brett says sweetly. No wonder he keeps girlfriends longer than San. "One more?"

Santiago's pretty much never been able to deny Brett anything, not since they met in kindergarten. That was also the day they first kissed.

"Okay, just one. And remember not to give me a hickey like that time when I was dating Anna Tchob. She _scratched_ my _face_."

"I promise." Brett smiles, and Santiago falls head over heels for him. Again.

And then Brett's licking his face.

"Gross! What the fuck, dude?"

"Meow, meow." Brett purrs. "Lord Tubbington is teaching me how to speak cat. He licks people's face whenever he likes them. Especially me."

"You're not a cat, Brett. Just... Don't do that to Michelle, okay?"

"But I like Michelle. She's sweet."

"Michelle probably won't like that," Santiago tells him.

"Okay, San. Mm. You know everything about girls. And me."

San smiles. "Yeah." He ruffles Brett's hair before he gets in the driver's seat.

BREAK

The bowling alley is loud and dirty. The music is cheesy, and the pizza is greasy. Richard would rather not touch any of it.

"Do I have to put my fingers in the holes?" he asks Fiona. "Couldn't there be diseases in there or something?"

"I don't know. Ball-sharing's all part of the fun." She smiles and picks up a small pink one. "Here. Pink's your favorite color, right?"

Richard smiles back at Fiona and takes the ball. "Uh... Now what?"

"Follow my lead." Fi pats his shoulder and steers Richard towards the alley itself. "Just look at the pins and go nice and straight."

Richard tosses the ball down the alley, and it heads straight into the gutter. Fi's still smiling.

"Sure this is your first time?" she teases.

"Just give me a pizza slice," Richard orders, embarrassed.

"It's just over here; come get it yourself."

He takes a bite. He's planning on going vegan soon, so he might as well gorge on animal products now. "This is really good pizza."

"Yeah, I think they import the pepperoni from Michigan or something." She laughs awkwardly.

"How's glee?"

"Well, um, everybody misses you."

"They miss my talent," Richard corrects.

"No! No, we're your friends, Rich." She gives him a sad smile. "We just miss having you around."

Richard can't think of what to say, so he gives her the stock answer. "I love glee, I just don't see the point on wasting my energy in a place that I'm not appreciated."

"I appreciate you."

And no one can say anything after that, so they go back to bowling. It's all too quick, but Richard actually kisses the ball before throwing his first strike. Richard jumps up and down, and he hugs Fiona quickly. And then he kisses her. It isn't his first kiss, but it's the first time Richard has done the kissing, and it's so great to have Fi kiss her back... at least until Richard remembers how nice Quentin was to him in the bathroom. Last time, it didn't matter. Last time, Richard believed Quentin only thought about himself. Last time, it felt great to be chosen over someone who asserted their superiority over Quentin.

This time, Richard feels like a dick.

"Come back to Glee," Fiona begs.

"What about Quentin?"

"I don't know what's gonna happen in the future; I just know that I wanna spend more time with you now."

"I'll have to quit the play. Ryerson won't let me go back to Glee and stay in it."

Now Fiona feels like the dick because she knows she's messing with Richard. She knows she's using Richard and that she's betraying Quentin to help out Nor. To help out her mom. _It's worth it, isn't it?_

"I'll do it!" Richard says happily.

_Mom taught me to be more honest than this._

BREAK

"Maybe Norah is lactose intolerant," Katie suggests.

"That d-doesn't explain all the crying," Tony says.

"Well maybe she just doesn't like the group," Mercer comments.

"Are you all _that_ stupid?" Santiago asks, annoyed. "Seriously. I bet you thought Burt and Ernie were just roommates. Maybe Nor's got one in the oven."

"Wait, who's the baby's daddy?" Mercer asks.

"Who do you think? Me? Yeah, right." Santiago sets down his football helmet. "Who's been constantly throwing looks at Nor? And who's been looking back?"

"Wait, how do we know you're _not_ the father?" Katie asks. "Guys always say that it isn't theirs."

"It's been too long since I've slept with her," Santiago counters. "But I'll tell you who's been meeting with Nor after practice. I'll tell you who she's been texting all day. Quentin."

"No..." Katie breathes out.

Missy wheels in to see everyone's shocked faces. "Did I miss something?"

"Glee Club just broke into its first scandal," Katie tells her. "Norah's pregnant, and Santiago says that Quentin's the father."

_I have to tell Nor. We need some PR control on this._

BREAK

The door's open to the counselor's office, and Fiona's inside, so of course Richard is listening at the door. She looks happy, and she has a stack of papers, so Richard thinks it might be for a college summer program. Maybe if he listens, he can fill out the right forms and go to the same one.

"I just wanted to drop off the application for that scholarship you were telling me about," Fi says excitedly. "I got Richard to come back to Glee, so we have a real shot at it."

_Oh._

"I'm so proud of you," Ms. Pillsbury tells her. "See what you can accomplish when you set your mind to it?"

First, Richard is devastated. Then he uses his first defense: anger. When Fiona walks out of the office, he walks after her.

"Fiona." He refuses to cry. "You're a liar. You used me for a scholarship? Everyone knows you're a bully and a jerk, but I'm the only one who didn't; I'm the only one who went out with you and let you kiss me like a fool. I'm the only one who thought you might actually like me."

"I do like you. I just... I haven't been totally honest. But that's different than lying, isn't it?" More than anything right now, Fiona wants Richard to forgive her. Instead, he looks at her incredulously. "Well, maybe it's not that much different. Look, I need to get a music scholarship, so I can go to college and take care of my mom. Maybe Nor can get a music scholarship; she has that band. She needs that with – with her dad being gone. We can't do that if you don't come back to Glee club. You should take it as a compliment."

"You could have just been honest with me." He can't look at her.

"I know what I did was wrong. I get that. But that kiss was real."

"Whatever it was, it ruined any chance there ever was of me coming back to Glee. I hope you have fun with Nor stepping all over everyone in your little ensemble, but my dreams are bigger than that. And they're bigger than you!" He stomps away. _Sorry, Quentin._

Sue Sylvester is tearing down Glee posters when Richard walks up to her.

"Ms. Sylvester, if you want me back in the musical, some serious changes have to be made."

"Well, Richard, I couldn't agree with you more. You know when I heard Sandy wanted to write himself into a scene as Queen Cleopatra, I was aroused then furious." Richard didn't even balk at the statement. "I hereby grant you complete artistic control. Congratulations, kiddo. You now have everything you could possibly want. Isn't it a great feeling?"

Richard nods, but when the coach leaves, his smile goes with her.

BREAK

He goes to the performance because he can't stay away. He wishes he were up there instead of April Rhodes, even though Fiona would be singing. Or maybe they would be dueting, since Richard's such a belter. He remembers what Fiona said about them being her friends, and he remembers how nice it felt when they sang _Don't Stop Believin'_ together.

Sneaking backstage is simple enough. He can't bring himself to actually walk into the dressing room and talk to them, so he just listens.

"You're right, Mr. Schue, April could _so_ take Mariah in a diva-off," Katie says.

"Where i-i-is April?" Tony asks.

"She isn't a part of glee anymore. Guys, I screwed up bringing her here. It was about me, not about you, and that's what Glee Club is for – you guys! We don't need her to win."

"We need her for the second act," Mercer asserts.

"Excuse me," Richard says. "I think I might have a solution. In show business, when a star performer can't go on, her understudy steps in. I'd be happy to go on for April, if you'd let me."

"Since when are you willing to be an understudy?" Mercer asks.

"Since I quit the play." He steps forward.

"Really? Why?" Katie asks.

"I realized being a star didn't make me feel as special as being your friend. If I let you down when you needed me the most, I'd never forgive myself." But they just stare at him. "I know all the words to _Somebody to Love_."

"You don't know the choreography," Norah tells him.

"Then we're gonna have to give him a lot of help out there," Quentin says suddenly.

Fiona smiles, and Richard looks at Quentin. _It really is about her, isn't it?_

"Go get in your costume," Mr. Schue tells him.


	6. 1x06 Vitamin D

**A/N: I decided not to gender-swap Jane Addams Academy since they are a minor part of the Glee series and would take more effort than it's worth to gender-swap. I also decided not to gender-swap siblings. If you disagree with that decision, feel absolutely free to discuss that with me – that's part of why I'm writing this whole thing!**

Gleender-Swapped

**Vitamin D**

The dance is supposed to be quick and energetic, but it's been a long day at school.

"Come on, guys, you're sleep walkin' on me here," Mr. Schue begs them. "We've got Sectionals in two –"

"_Please_," Mercer interrupts with a dismissive hand gesture. "Sectionals is gonna be a breeze."

Mr. Schue puts away his look of defeat because he has to teach them discipline. Performance is an art, and art needs self-control. "Maybe so, but if we coast through Sectionals, we're gonna get killed at Regionals."

Missy yawns into her fist, then rubs the sports glove-covered hand over one eye. Quentin stares at Nor from across the room.

"We have got to be on our game."

Katie giggles rather loudly. She sobers up when Mr. Schue looks at her. "Sorry, funny YouTube." She adjusts the collar of her blouse.

"Mr. Schue, we're going up against a deaf choir and girls who just got out of juvie. I doubt they're going to care about the competition anyways," Santiago pipes up. Missy and Norah both shot him annoyed looks, but neither said anything.

"You guys haven't even tried since I told you who the competition for Sectionals is going to be. Get motivated," Mr. Schue pleads. The bell rings, and when the come in after class, Mr. Schue introduces a competition.

"Each one of these people or things was a champion in its own right," he tells them, "but they used competing with each other to make themselves even better."

"I don't understand how lightning is in a competition with an above ground swimming pool," Katie says.

"I don't understand how an above ground swimming pool is a champion," Quentin says with disdain.

"It doesn't even look like a mushroom," Brett adds. He looks a bit dazed. Then again, he always looks a little out of it.

"Just go with it." Mr. Schue waves away their concerns. "You guys have become complacent. You were great at the invitational, but you gotta up your game if you wanna get through Sectionals."

Missy yawns, and Tony shoots him a worried look.

"I'm splitting you up. Guys on the left side, girls on the right side."

Everyone starts shuffling around, and Richard heads over to the girls' side.

"Uh, Richard," Mr. Schue says.

"I just feel that my talents and input will be more appreciated over here," he insists.

"Be that as it may, you belong over there. Make it work."

Richard is embarrassed and maybe a little scared of what his teammates might do to him or what they might say about his dads, but he goes over to the boys' side.

"Here's the deal: boys vs. girls. One week from today, you will each perform a mash-up of your choice."

"What's a mash-up?" Fiona asks. Nor and Missy both shoot him looks of derision.

"A mash-up is when you take two songs and mash 'em together to make and even richer explosion of musical expression. Boys will perform on Tuesday, girls the next day. I want you guys to go all out!" Richard smiles widely. "Costumes, choreography! Whoever wins the competition gets to choose the number that we do for sectionals."

"Wait," Katie interrupts, raising her hand. "Who's going to be the judge? Your gender makes you biased."

"There's gonna be a celebrity judge."

"Wh-who?" Tony asks.

"You're gonna have to show up to find out."

Brett and Santiago link arms before stalking off with Quentin. They're all smiles and sexual tension.

"We got this in the bag," Mercer announces.

"Totally," Richard says. "I'm going to start story-boarding our choreography tonight."

The boys walk out with high fives, leaving the girls to look at each other, all unwilling to leave their suggestions open to ridicule.

"I hope you guys are ready; the boys look pretty pumped," Mr. Schue says.

"We're planning on smacking them down like the hand of God," Missy answers.

Fi yawns.

BREAK

At football practice, Quentin trips. His foot misses the hole in the tire, so it slides down the rubber. Quentin looses balance and ends up in the nurse's office with what he fears is a concussion. Norah comes out of the bathroom, wiping her mouth.

"Man," she says, "I liked it when my daily ritual of skipping math wasn't filled with hurling latkes."

"You shouldn't be skipping classes," Quentin tells her.

"What about that time you skipped with me? What about when I taught you how to smoke behind the school when you were supposed to be in Spanish with Fi? What about when you were supposed to be in Geography, but you stayed with me instead? Remember? That was when you canceled your date with Fiona to play video games with me after school. That was when we had sex. That was the looked at me like I made you happy." Nor bites her own fist because she's not supposed to care. She's supposed to be the bad girl whose heart can't be broken by boys, the girl that will take their virginity, but only if they work for it. Only if they're cool enough. But Quentin was a friend... Well, more than that. Not like she'd ever tell him.

"You're going to be a mom, Nor. You have to go to math so you can graduate. If you can't do it for our baby -"

"You said you would try for me," Norah cuts him off suddenly. "You said you would try to support me. All you've done is call me once. Let me tell you something, Quen, people are going to find out. Santiago is already saying that it isn't his, and Missy said he told the Glee kids that you're the dad."

Quentin is speechless. He is very, very afraid. He doesn't want to hurt Fi, that's why he's been nicer to Richard because in Quentin's fucked up little world, Richard _is_ better than him, and if he can just get Fiona's focus on _him_, then she won't even notice when Quentin drops out of his life.

"I'm not getting an abortion, Quentin. I know I was thinking about adoption when you called, but I don't want to. I can't let this baby think they're not loved. I know I'm a fuck up, and you probably don't want me to be the mother of your kid, but -"

"Don't say that." Nor sniffs, and Quentin kisses her cheek. "I don't want to hurt Fi. I'll figure this out, okay? I will. I _promise_ to be there for you. I'll do whatever it takes – clothes, money, all of that. I want to hold your hand when you give birth; I want to rub your belly when the baby kicks. All of that. Just... promise me you'll start living for the baby. Don't skip class. Do your homework... no smoking or drinking or drugs. Go to bed early and wake up on time. I'll drive you to school if I have to."

"I might have to take you up on that," Nor teases. "And I'm not getting rid of my mohawk."

"I wouldn't ask." He smiles, and Nor wants to kiss him. She can't because he's still Fi's. She can't because she's still afraid he'll break her heart.

BREAK

Nor was like adrenaline to Fi; she always managed to get Fi going. Except Norah was pregnant, she was already walking slower – doing everything slower, actually. Now Fi can't keep her eyes open, not in class, not in soccer practice, not in Glee. The only reason she even gets up in the morning is to masturbate in the shower. That keeps her up long enough to get to first hour (Spanish). Actually, sexual frustration seems to be the only thing that can get her mind moving these days. All she needs to do is look over at Rich and imagine unleashing the abs hiding beneath that sweater vest...

_I already have a boyfriend!_

But then Katie and Norah are right in front of her. She fell asleep again.

"She's drooling," Katie says.

"Dude, wake up. Actually, no. Go see the nurse."

So Fiona follows Nor's advice. She has to pass the locker rooms to get there, since it's way on the other side of the school, so she hopes the jog wakes her up some. At least she did until she saw a shirtless Santiago standing outside the locker rooms.

"Like what you see, Fiona?" he asks, dragging out the syllables.

"N-no." Fi crosses her arms uncomfortably.

"You can touch 'em if you want. I call them the Six Wonders of the World."

So Fiona puts a hand on Santiago's chest... then another on his abs. She's wide awake now; this is the first time she's gotten to _touch_ a guy's abs. She wonders what it would be like to just bow down and bite the skin a little, suck on it until it was bruised and purple... Then she snaps out of it.

"You have a girlfriend. You're dating Matilda."

"Doesn't mean I can't be appreciated," Santiago quips.

"You're the father of Nor's baby."

He almost tells her. He doesn't because he already feels guilty for ratting out his best friend, even if it means getting back at Nor. He doesn't because there's a big difference between spreading a rumor and alienating a poor pregnant girl from her only friend. Instead, he shrugs. "She doesn't wanna be with me."

BREAK

"How do we fix this?" Norah asks Artemisia.

"We could always tape Santiago's mouth shut for the rest of his life," the girl suggested from her wheelchair.

"Boy, does he know how to use his tongue." Norah stops to wonder if she might one day have a functioning relationship with Quentin. She shakes the thought off like a dog shakes off water. "Counter-gossip doesn't really work."

"Are you sure?" Missy says. "Because if it's bad enough, it might shut him up."

"Only until he went all Lima Heights on whoever was running their mouth."

"But isn't that a good distraction? Something physical against gossip?"

"Maybe, but I can't really think of anything."

"Well... Santiago and Brett were linking arms the other day. Do you think..."

Nor broke out into a smile. "I don't just think, Missy. I _know_."

BREAK

"Cheater!" Richard calls in the hallway.

Fiona looks blankly at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw you yesterday outside the locker rooms with Santiago. How many boys do you need, Fiona? Oh, wait – was he the key to some sports scholarship you needed?" He crosses his arms. "What exactly did you want from him that you couldn't get from Quentin, Fi?"

"Touch!" Fi finally burst out. "Quentin barely lets me touch him. He's not affectionate, and lately it's like he barely notices me. I'm so tired of being treated like a leper. Or like I'm going to get pregnant if I see his chest. He doesn't even want to see my boobs, and I bet a lot of girls would like that, but I just feel... unappreciated."

"Then why are you with him?" Richard asks quietly. "Why don't you break up with him?"

"Do you think I have a chance with somebody else?" Fiona counters.

Richard wants to say yes, he really does. He doesn't want to bring that up, though. Not yet. "Is that really a reason to get in a relationship? Just having a chance?"

"If knowing gives me more options, then maybe I can make a... an informed decision." Fi straightens out. "So tell me: Do I have a chance with you?"

"No," Richard says finally. "You've stepped on my heart too much for that." He walks away, hanging his head, and Fiona just stares after him.

BREAK

Katie's sitting by the dumpster, her hands clutching her Louis Vuitton bag.

"Hey."

"I didn't call you here for cigarettes, Nor." Katie stands up and brushes herself off. "Missy told me you're going to spread rumors about Brett and Santiago being together."

"They're not rumors if it's true." Nor crosses her arms.

"So what if it is?"

For a second, Nor can't answer. She's never really cared about Brett and San before, but if what San said gets back to Fiona... _I can't lose Fi; I just can't._ "You honestly don't care?"

Katie shakes her head. "You shouldn't be spreading that stuff around. You know how bad it is in this school – the hockey team will gang up on them. And yeah, maybe you're mad at San for leaving you knocked up, but Brett didn't do anything. Besides, is what he did really worth getting him gaybashed?"

It took her a minute, but Nor shook her head. Then it hit her: Santiago had told the Glee kids that Quentin knocked her up, but Katie had just said that Santiago did it. _No one believes him._

"Thanks for understanding," Katie said, giving Nor a peck on the cheek.

Katie rushes off, and Nor just stands there.

"Damn, I need a cigarette." _But I made a promise to Quentin._ Nor looks down at her stomach. She isn't showing, at least not yet, but somehow the baby seems like a tangible concept in her mind already.

BREAK

"You owe me," Santiago hears. It's after school, and San is waiting for Brett before going in for football practice. He turns to see Katie.

"And what have you ever done for me?" San asks casually.

"Apparently your bromance with Brett isn't as platonic as everyone thinks." Katie shrugs. "At least, that's what Nor and Missy were going to tell everyone. I convinced them otherwise."

"Well, good on you," Santiago snarls. He walks into the locker room without Brett. Katie watches him go, hurt and confused. She wipes her face of emotion before leaving.

BREAK

Quentin calls the only person he knows will help him: his sister Frannie. He doesn't hold anything back, not the tears nor the lies nor the disappointments nor just how much shit he got himself into. She opens a joint bank account with him (online), and they both skive a bit off their college savings. It's not going to be enough, but Quentin's allowance and babysitting money is going to help.

_At least until the hospital bills come along._ But he can't think about that now; he had a hard enough time telling Frannie, nevermind his parents.

So he calls up Nor. He taps his foot while the phone rings, and Sarah is the one who picks up.

"Hello?" she asks. She's Norah's little sister.

"Hey, can you give the phone to Nor? Tell her it's Quentin." It's a panic-filled few seconds, and Quentin almost hangs up until he hears Nor's voice.

"You called."

"I promised I would." Quentin clears his throat. "I set up a bank account. I don't have much money in it yet, but I have a job -"

Norah snorts. "Yeah, if babysitting is a real job."

"I get fifteen bucks an hour, okay? That's pretty good. I know it won't cover hospital bills, but it's something, right?"

"I'm on Medicaid, so it's free – or next to it, anyways." Quentin could practically hear Nor shrug. "I just need the money 'cause I can't take that money away from my family, Quen; I just can't. Sarah needs new shoes. She needs clothes and school supplies, and I can't take that away from her just because I fucked up. I mean, we're on food stamps, so that's not too big of a problem, but Mom has trouble paying rent. We're lucky if we can buy take out for a special occasion. We're lucky if we can buy kosher."

_I didn't know they were on food stamps. Just how bad is it?_ Quentin is suddenly very grateful that his dad has a great job and actually stuck around. "I'm not going to run out on you and the baby, Nor, I swear."

"I'll hunt you down if you even try, Blondie." But Nor's voice is soft.

"Have you scheduled a doctor's appointment?" Quentin asks.

"Not yet, but..." She's silent.

"But what? Don't hold back." Quentin tries to sound comforting, but how comforting can he be? Nor doesn't have any reason to trust him.

"Math is hard. And so is English. And Spanish. I usually just nap for three hours straight – you know, I tell the nurse I have a headache and stuff – but you were right. I need to graduate if I want to be a parent. History isn't too bad when you listen. They're going to pull me out of PE soon. I was hoping I could be Mr. Schue's TA or something."

"I can help you," Quentin tells her. I have lots of time on weekends, and if we meet after Glee..."

"I... I'll think about it."

Quentin had never felt responsible for someone else before. It was a lot of pressure, but it felt good.

BREAK

"What do you think," Tony asks slowly, "will happen to Electric Zoo now that Norah's p-p-pregnant?"

"We might manage to get back on our feet. Maybe." She sighs. "We can just write more music. And hey, maybe Nor will need an outlet for her emotions, so she'll take to writing."

"Maybe." Tony tugged at his Doc Martens. "I don't wanna quit the band. I l-l-like playing, y'know? I l-l-like performing."

Missy nods in agreement. "It's not extreme sports or anything, but it's fun. Nor's nice, once you get used to her."

"Mhm. W-w-well, at least we're still friends, aren't we?"

Missy smiles. "Yeah." She adjusts her glasses. "Do you wanna write a song about that?"

Tony smiles, too. "That sound g-g-great!"

Missy pulls out her bass. "Then let's get started."


End file.
